What Would You Do?
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Saved 1/27/10 to What Would You Do?

Birthday Party and Uninvited Guests: What Would You Do?


Can a mom and her kids have their cake and eat it too? My daughter gets invited to a lot of school birthday parties and many require that parents accompany the children. Most celebrations are on Saturdays when my husband works so I've got all three of my kids in tow. Usually thrown at venues, the festivities have per child rates attached to them. Toting my newborn is no big deal since he can't participate, but it'd be rude to bring my 3-year-old. It also seems ridiculous to hire a $20 an hour babysitter to watch my sons while I take my kindergartner to a two or three-hour party. What would you do in this situation?

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me345 me345 4 years 6 weeks
I would JUST NOT GO!!!!! not let your daughter go. she will survive. i know it sucks hauling 3 kids to something and i also know it sucks to be asked if some other UNINVITED kids can come to your party - especailly under or wild ones who need more supervision than I have available. do not ask. do not go. News alert - your kids actually don't need to go to EVERY dumb activity these days... kid bday parties suck horrible anyway till their about 12. give yourself a rest... why would you wanna haul around a newborn at a germy hectic place anyway? someone mentioned entitlement above - let's try to stop that in the next generation. our kids don't need every last thing nor do they have to have a huge party at age 5. i've been to those things - the kid looks like she barely knows what goes on. and a requirement for the parents to stay? yeah... NOT!
greykatt greykatt 5 years 19 weeks
Yw!
greykatt greykatt 5 years 20 weeks
"Agreed Sarana! I can't remember going to a single party when I was a kid that required everyone's parents to be there." My son is relative to the poster's child's popuplarity at being invited. So I understand. The fact that it was stated that the parents are required to be there is indeed a new one for me. The following pertains to young and small children: To me, it is just good saftey and common sence for a parent or trusted guardian to go to an event with the child. I can understand if the child knows the hostess/host, but I seriously doubt the child is safe with so many other random adults around. If one is new to the group, a child can get easily firghtened, taken in the hubub, or lost. Not to mention the other adults that are at the venue (ex: Amazing Jake, Chuckie Cheese's, the local park, Funtastics, etc...) not there for the party! It's not just the adults to cause concern either. Ever heard of the blind leading th blind?! Children have a heard mentality. If one child leaves the group, then it stands to reason one more will follow. Bottom line... "Adult Required" should not be a needed statement in the invitation. It should be an easy assumption.
greykatt greykatt 5 years 20 weeks
While those of you who stated it would be rude to spring the uninvited child on the hosting parent are correct in this fact... there is one thing to consider here-- planning. If, as was stated, the hosting parent was made aware of the situation asap then she/he would be able to make the nessasary arrangements needed for the venue. I am a parent that likes as much of a heads up as possible. Being social myself, I wouldn't dream of denying a younger sibling the chance to socialize. However, I would ask all the parents (on the invitations... it is rude to just assume they only have ONE child in the family) to let me know just how many children (besides the invited one) they are planning to bring. This way, when the parent(s) RSVP, I can have a ball park figure to work with in terms of finances for the function. I would also add on ten more heads as a "just-incase" method. If less than that show up (for a single household) atleast I am prepared for the other parents who either did not or could not let me know ahead of time. If that exact number show up plus a few heads I will also be prepared. Win - win situation.
Jessie-M Jessie-M 5 years 30 weeks
Agreed Sarana! I can't remember going to a single party when I was a kid that required everyone's parents to be there.
Sarana Sarana 5 years 30 weeks
I think it's strange to have a kids party with all the parents there. I would ask the parent if my child can be dropped off. It is what I remember as most fun about my parties when I was a kid, being with friends, not being with my parent that I already see every day.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 5 years 30 weeks
Jessie, I was going to suggest the same thing as you. Is there another parent you're close to who may be able to supervise your child? If it's not possible to ask another parent (or if you don't know any of the other parents that well), I agree with lile. It's not really that rude to ask. Not, it doesn't display a sense of entitlement, either. If you felt entitled, you would just bring your 3-year and not bother asking!
GMarie GMarie 5 years 30 weeks
Lordy. If I had to pay my sitter $20 an hour, I'd be turning down invitations left and right. She's right to feel awkward about taking an uninvited child, but paying a sitter $40-$60 so one child can go to a 2-3 hour party seems...nuts and would put anyone in a crunch. You don't want to disappoint the invited child, but who can afford that?
Jessie-M Jessie-M 5 years 30 weeks
And my estimate of 15+ parties per year is based on class sizes btw....and that is per child! (not including the newborn, of course) :) Not to mention the cost of all those presents....
Jessie-M Jessie-M 5 years 30 weeks
It is a very tough situation. I might call the parent throwing the party and see if she would be comfortable with your child attending on their own, or if they knew another parent attending that may be comfortable supervising your child along with their own. If you know another parent whose child is attending you could also ask them directly after getting the ok from the host. I dont feel the poster is being selfish for trying to find a way for their children to attend their friends parties! With possibly 15+ parties a year, a sitter for 2-3 hours per party is a LOT of money for the average family, especially one with a newborn. Im sure the poster does not want to save their sitter budget strictly for childrens birthday parties and never have any adult nights out with her hubby!
lilegwene lilegwene 5 years 30 weeks
Well, I guess we are just going to disagree on this entirely. I would let it go... I just don't understand your reasoning. I don't feel like I, or most people, would expect the hostess to accommodate my uninvited child. At the same time, it doesn't seem like a big deal to bring another child; I would welcome another child if I were the hosting party, so that shapes my answer. I, as hostess, would say "bring everyone!" and that is why I would ask to bring my additional child if the tables were turned. When you said "And seriously, telling a parent to give you money to bring a child? Talk about rude." That was in response to my saying "The child would be very welcome, but the parents would need to pay the cost and handle the situation if the child felt left-out."
lilegwene lilegwene 5 years 30 weeks
#7, this is definitely a gray area and that is why the question was asked in the first place. It's like you didn't even read the question, and just got outraged that someone would ask to make things more convenient for themselves. It's not AT ALL rude to ask to bring your other child in this situation and it's not AT ALL rude to tell that person that you can't afford their uninvited child if you cannot. Said like "Hell NO, your brat can't come!" Would of course garner a bad reaction, but saying "I'm sorry, I really can't afford to add more children to the party" is completely understandable. Can you really fault someone for not being able to afford more than what they budgeted for? Lastly, it's not entitlement. It is a simple question, with a simple answer.
lilegwene lilegwene 5 years 30 weeks
My post didn't go up... sorry if this is a double. Are you really so stingy that an extra child would be such a burden? I would extend the invitation to the parents' other child. If it was at a venue where I could not afford another head, or I didn't have enough favors, I would let the parents know. The child would be very welcome, but the parents would need to pay the cost and handle the situation if the child felt left-out. It isn't rude for this person to ask to bring her family. It is rude for the host/hostess to say "yes" when they mean "no."
lilegwene lilegwene 5 years 30 weeks
Are you really that stingy? If I was throwing the party, I would definitely say bring the other children. If it costs more money then I want to spend or there are not enough party favors for more children I would let the parents know that I couldn't pay extra or didn't have enough favors for the extra child, so they would have to cover that, but the child was welcome to come. It is not rude to ask. It is rude to say "yes" when you mean" no."
lilegwene lilegwene 5 years 30 weeks
Call the parents throwing the party, explain your situation, and I am sure 99% will say bring the crew.