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Can you really be in love with two people at once?


I have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years.  We were high school sweethearts and we are now in college and have maintained our relationship throughout.  We were always strong until about 8 months ago.  I began to become close with his roommate and I think I may be falling for him too.  I love my boyfriend, no doubt about it, but I have some pretty strong feelings for this other guy too.  My boyfriend is starting to talk about getting engaged and he has asked my mother to see her rings and before I think about what I would say to him when/if he takes a knee, I need help figuring out if what I'm feeling right now with the other person is only superficial or if there are issues in my relationship that I have not yet seen.  Any insight would be lovely. Thank you.

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leb357 leb357 4 years 29 weeks
I agree with pop. Love isn't always just a feeling, sometimes it's a choice. It's silly to think you'll never be attracted to another person your entire life, you have to decide if your boyfriend is worth ignoring this attraction or not. I've been in this situation, though we hadn't been dating that long or considered marriage. I was dating one guy long distance who was perfect on paper, and really started to fall for another guy. I broke up with the long distance guy because I realized how well I clicked with the new guy on many levels, but didn't make the decision lightly, it took me about a month. I'm single now, and still don't regret ending the first relationship. Make sure you'd be able to say the same.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 4 years 29 weeks
Being committed to another person doesn't mean you'll go through life never being attracted to someone else. If your relationship with your boyfriend is stale or over, then it's time to move on. But, try to analyze that outside of the attraction you feel for this other guy.
Janine22 Janine22 4 years 29 weeks
Regardless of whether your feelings for this other guy are genuine or not, you owe it to your bf to tell him that you are not ready for marriage yet. Otherwise you will just humiliate him if he gets down on one knee and you have to tell him no. Obviously you are not ready for marriage yet if you think that you have feelings for someone else. Perhaps you need to date around a bit more and experience other relationships before you commit yourself to your high school sweetheart for the rest of your life. Maybe you are just curious and sexually interested in other men because you have probably only been with this one guy in one relationship. Most people have to date a variety of partners before they can begin to examine what type of person they would need to make them happy in a marriage and that is ok. That is how you learn what qualities in a partner will make you happy for the rest of your life and what traits you are unwilling to accept. I hope that you can do this, statistically it is unlikely that your high school sweetheart will be the one man that will make you happy for the rest of your life. Good luck.
notinthemood notinthemood 4 years 29 weeks
A guy you barely know almost always looks better than someone you've been with for years... you know all the bad stuff about your boyfriend and nothing but good stuff about this other guy. You certainly cannot be "in love" with him, as you haven't even begun to get to know him, but perhaps you're lusting after him? But hey... if you're not 100% devoted to being with your current boyfriend forever, go ahead and break it off, but don't even think about going near his roommate! That guy probably wouldn't do that to his roommate, and if he did, he's a terrible guy anyway. So whatever you decide, make sure you're letting your boyfriend keep as much dignity as possible.
nenny84 nenny84 4 years 29 weeks
I agree with akanoname, if I were you I would get some time away from both men and reflect on what is really important. You need to figure out what it is you are looking for in a man and what you are looking for in your life. The grass isnt always greener on the other side, you may think you have feelings for this other guy because its new and different however you and your boyfriend have been together for a long time. I think it would be best to figure out what you want and if it is not your boyfriend then you need to talk to him, however there is a very good chance the room mate and friend will not be with you because he may feel an obligation to your boyfriend even if you two are not together. I would use extreme caution in this case if i were you.
akanoname akanoname 4 years 29 weeks
If I'm in this situation, I'd take some alone time away from both guys so I can analyze what is going on, find the reason for my confusion and figure out what I really want in life.
Venus1 Venus1 4 years 30 weeks
Can you really be in love with two people at once? Possibly nobody really knows. But take things steady, sometimes the world can be a frightening place!
urika urika 4 years 30 weeks
If you truly have feelings for this other guy then there are undoubtedly troubles in your relationship on your part that you're just not seeing. I personally do not believe that you can be in love with two people, especially at once. You have either 1. fallen out of love with your boyfriend but are blind to the fact 2. scared of commitment and you're not really having these feelings you're just freaking yourself out or 3. you don't know where your heart is at anymore and you need to express these feelings of confusion to your boyfriend before it's too late and you've hurt him worse than you can ever imagine.