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Saved 12/17/12 to Group Therapy

Christmas gifts...am I wrong?


My boyfriend insists on buying me a Christmas gift. I don't want one, because I recently lost my job and can't afford to buy him one and him buying me one would make me feel worse and not better. We are in the same field, so there's that element of competition too. As well, since I lost my job he has been financially supporting me and I feel that is enough, a gift is totally unnecessary.  I told him I would rather him commit to doing something that would make me happy, i.e. remember dates in his calendar and helping me plan our social schedules instead of relying on me doing it all the time. Pride aside, at the crux of it, receiving a gift from him would NOT make me happy, yet he insists on giving me one because he wants to give me a gift. Isn't the point of Christmas to do or give something that you know will make the other person happy? He wants to buy me a gift to make himself happy for having given me something. So really it's more for him than for me. I realize you could say the same about me--just accept the gift because you know it'll make him happy. But I don't think the magnitude of his happiness at giving me a gift would be more than the magnitude of how unhappy/uncomfortable it would make me. Am I wrong?

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kurniakasih kurniakasih 1 year 39 weeks
You know OP, it could've been me who writes this. I feel exactly the same way about gifting during Christmas and my husband insists on blowing lots of money for my pressie. And it was super tough to deal with it, because we'd get into the argument you're presenting, and in the end he always ended up buying me something anyway, and blowing more money more so before I made any fuss..so yes. I understand where you're coming from. I do have to adjust though, because my husband has this need to go overboard with presents for me and our child because he remembered not having such good presents growing up so he overcompensated and wanted to see our faces lit up, etc. I understand him as well in re: of this issue. So, based on my experience, you guys have to work out a compromise. For example, I'd say that let him buy you a gift, but try to not exceed a certain amount of money (i.e. $40 or $100). And if you can't afford it just yet, instead of having to purchase him a gift, I'd agree with bluejay, surprise him with stuffs like cooking him his fave breakfast, arranging a sexy something in the bedroom, have a 'couple' day where you pamper each other at home (massages, sex, etc) etc etc. Or you can definitely invite him to volunteer during Christmas season with you to give back instead of spending so much on Christmas presents. I hope it'll work out for you. Good luck.
bluejay17 bluejay17 1 year 39 weeks
Well, how many times do we do stuff for other people without expecting something back? This is the same, only that it's Christmas. He wants to give you a gift, without expecting something back from you. I'd suggest for you to take his gift and enjoy it! Maybe it will end up making you happy and not uncomfortable at all. Also, a great gift can be given without spending money at all. Like cooking his favorite breakfast Christmas morning? Or maybe something in the bedroom? Think outside the box! Let him make you happy.