The Pregnancy Posse
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The Power of Birth Affirmations
Saved 3/04/10 to The Pregnancy Posse

Did Anyone Regret Not Finding Out the Gender?

Hi all. I'm almost 16 weeks pregnant with our first baby, and my hubby and I are overjoyed. In about a month, we have the big appointment where we can learn our baby's gender (if he or she cooperates). It's very exciting, but the thing is, when we first found out I was prego, my husband wanted to find out if the little one was a boy or girl, and I was adamant about not finding out. Now that it's getting closer to the time when we can find out, he's changed his mind and wants to keep it a surprise till the big day, but now I'm leaning toward finding out. I guess I'm just feeling like if we don't find out at our next appointment, then we'll have to wait another five months or so. I'm also thinking about how much fun it will be to decorate the nursery, make a baby quilt (that's not just cream-colored), and start picking up some baby dresses or baseball hats. I still love the idea of keeping it a surprise until August, when he or she is born, because really, when do you get to have such a huge surprise like that in your life? Plus, about 98 percent of the other pregnant women I know all know what they're having, and it seems so few people are waiting until the big moment when the baby arrives. So I'm wondering if there are any moms out there who regretted not finding out, and if waiting the full nine months was really tough.

PS - This is a photo from our 12-week ultrasound. Our little one is already doing yoga, just like his or her mommy.

espet espet 2 years 44 weeks
Good luck to those who have the baby gender that they wanted. Some of us are not so lucky. Had 4 girls then a boy after planning my pregnancy accordingly.
my2girls86 my2girls86 3 years 45 weeks
I am 36 weeks now 11-10-2010. 3rd one and its been really exciting not knowing. Of course we have had to deal with all the idots who sit back and try to tell us what we are having. People should just realx its not there body or baby. So if your ready to deal with that your good. My problem was its hard to discuss what im having when I don't even know myself and once you start that conversation in your head it goes all day. lol We just had the baby shower last weekend and we got alot of awesome baby gifts and not all just Yellow or blue or pink everything was for either I was QUIET surpised and think if I had 4th I would wait to it's kept everyone on the edge of there chair. :)
4 years 25 weeks
We didn't find out with our first. That moment was so amazing. The only time I felt sappy during my entire pregnancy. (I am not one who enjoys a human being growing on my bladder) When we found out a few months later that we were pregnant again with our second and due 1 month before our daughter's first birthday, we decided to find out so we could be a little more prepared. Let me tell you how awful it was. We second guessed it the entire pregnancy. I was more stressed out that I was buying boy clothes and having a girl than I ever was just waiting to see what God was giving us this time. Normally I'm a neurotic planner who needs to be in control of all details and I hate surprises. The stress of thinking the ultrasound was wrong or that it was a little hand and not a little peeper was more than I could handle. I ended up not being prepared at all. And the moment when he came out was not the same as it was with my daughter. It was "yup, it's a boy" and not the joyous surprise and glee like with my daughter. In short, DON'T FIND OUT!!! You will be really happy you didn't. And as a side benefit you will actually get the things you need off of your registry instead of tons of clothes you will never use. People don't know what to buy little undetermined gender baby. You will also be able to use everything again if baby #2 is a different gender. #3, if there is a #3, will be little baby undetermined at my house. That is one moment I'll never forget and will always treasure.
CurleyQ CurleyQ 4 years 25 weeks
I go in tomorrow to find out the sex of my baby. I've been waiting for this moment since I found out I was pregnant! :) I want to see if the dreams I've been having are true. Either way you do it...its still amazing!
Beaner Beaner 4 years 28 weeks
Love the idea of bringing a baby boy and baby girl outfit to the hospital! I'll definitely be doing that.
kmckay kmckay 4 years 28 weeks
I didn't think I would ever find out- I just didn't see the big deal with waiting and I thought that hearing it in the delivery room would be the greatest thing ever!! However, like cheeky, I suffered with infertility for 3 years and a miscarriage and now that I'm finally pregnant, I just feel like I've waited long enough. My surprise was finally being to conceive a baby so although our nursery will be decorated the exact same, regardless of sex, we still want to know. I think it'll seem more real to me knowing what's inside.
carolynz carolynz 4 years 28 weeks
We didn't find out before we had our daughter- she's now 2, having my husband tell me that our daughter had been born (he said "hername is here" was one of the greatest moments ever. We did mainly green & white stuff before she was born and we got SO much pink for presents after she was born, she definitely never lacked for girly clothes! We kept the big budget items like car seat, stroller, pnp, bedding, etc. neutral, though we did paint her room pink since we closed on our house when she was 2 weeks old. It's great because now we are expecting #2 again keeping the sex a surprise until birthday and we have all of the newborn stuff ready to go, don't need to buy more stuff, etc. Something I have noticed w/ people who choose to find out, is that they get TONS of clothes as presents before the baby is born and often a lot of this stuff never gets worn because it's the wrong size/season. As it is now I have 2 big shopping bags of clothes w/ tags still on that my daughter was never able to wear because they were the wrong size in the wrong season. I will say that it's tough coming up with names for both a girl and a boy.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 4 years 28 weeks
I found out with my girl, but if I have any more kids, I'm going to wait. I would love to get a 50/50 pool going on sex and birth date. If there's room in your budget, buy girl and boy clothes and just return the ones you end up not needing. Or decorate in yellow.
BeccaU BeccaU 4 years 28 weeks
You never know, your child may not let you find out. I had numerous sonograms when I was pregnant, but because of the way my daughter was positioned, we couldn't tell her gender until days before she was born. Your child may be overly modest too! (Oh, and congratulations! Being a mom rocks!!!)
GMarie GMarie 4 years 28 weeks
We totally wanted to know with my first pregnancy and with this one. It was a total surprise at both ultrasounds, AND we were able to plan and prepare the nurseries. I'm a planner! Turned out to be a very good thing that we knew ahead of time with my son - he didn't sleep through the night until he was 18 months old, so I spent that first year and a half so completely exhausted that there's no way I would have gotten his nursery done if I hadn't finished it before he was born! :) We have the nursery done for our daughter as well, who will be born in about a month, though I'm hoping she'll be more of a sleeper!
starbucks2 starbucks2 4 years 28 weeks
What's up with all the anonymous comments? I though they were mostly over at Pop?! Anyway, we never even talked about if we wanted to find it, it was understood that we would want to know. Like someone already said, it's still a surprise if you find out halfway through. It's like we had 3 births. Two small ones (we're pregnant!, it's a girl!) and then there was one the one when we finally got to meet her. I admire everyone who decides to wait but I could have never done that! I hate not knowing things. And I am kinda silly about buying the most girly things I can find (she did wear a lot of blue, though, because of a lot of hand-me-downs from her cousin).
cheekyredhead cheekyredhead 4 years 28 weeks
Congrats on your pending lil' bundle. I knew about both of mine because I looked for myself. As an ultrasound tech I could not keep from seeing those details. I will admit that on some level I feel a surprise would have been nice. Being an infertility patient--I was so excited to finally be pregnant--and with complicated pregnancies I checked myself often. It had been fabulous to share those moments with my patients and I savored them when I viewed my child with renewed eyes of wonder. On a side note...I never look for sex unless asked. If the couple comes together and one does not want to know-- I won't tell either until they agree. I do write it down for if/when they do agree. I won't tell a mother-in-law or anyone else if the parents want it to be a surprise. I guess I want to help protect that surprise. Once someone spills the beans the surprise is gone. I often tell patients that I will refer to the baby as "he" because I refuse to say "it" and not to read into my using "he" as a possible hint.
4 years 29 weeks
Congrats! I am SO glad I did not find out the sex until my kiddo was born. While I am someone who normally plans, plans, plans, I was so happy to have this surprise. And there really is not much to buy before the baby arrives. Truly, you do not need much at the start (or even later on, I would argue!). The baby is not going to know the color of its bedding or walls. :-)
runningesq runningesq 4 years 29 weeks
I guess I'm in the minority here, but it's "sex," not "gender." sex is biological, gender is social.
4 years 29 weeks
When I got pregnant, my husband and I decided that we did not want to find out the sex of the baby. What changed our minds was that as the ultrasound approached at almost 21 weeks, I hadn't felt my baby kick yet and I didn't really feel pregnant. We decided that finding out the sex would help me feel more in touch with the baby, so we ended up finding out. I don't regret it at all because it's a surprise no matter when you find out. It helps to call the baby a she rather than an "it." However, we're still buying mostly "gender neutral" items, because we really don't believe in imposing a gender identity on our child. btw, don't count on being able to ask your doctor at a later time for the baby's sex if you change your mind. Many doctors don't consider this medical information and it is not written down.
POPSUGAR-Moms POPSUGAR-Moms 4 years 29 weeks
The three most exciting moments of my life were, "It's a girl", "It's a boy!" and "It's a boy!" in the delivery room.
kindo1313 kindo1313 4 years 29 weeks
I chose not to find out with my first child and did find out with my second. I definitely prefer not finding out. It was so exciting when the doctor shouted out, "it's a boy!" For our second, we asked the ultrasound tech to write whether it was a boy or a girl in a card, and then we took that card to the bakery (without looking in it). We asked them to make us a cake with either pink filling or blue filling, depending on the gender the card said. Then we cut the cake with our families. It was a fun way to do it, but I still prefer finding out at birth. Also, since everything we bought/made for our son was gender neutral, I got to reuse practically everything when I had my daughter. And, people actually bought off of our registry instead of buying clothes, which was definitely a plus!
4 years 29 weeks
I didn't find out because the baby was not cooperating in any ultrasounds and it made it hard to shop for clothes and prepare the nursery. You can totally tell that most people find out because the market for neutral baby items is pretty slim... at least in my area of the country. A week before my baby came I got an ultrasound to check size and she finally cooperated and let us see... she was a girl. I almost wished now that we could have waited until the very end because I already did the hard part of not knowing! But like someone else said, its still a surprise even a week before the end!
4 years 29 weeks
You could always ask them not to tell you but to put it in a sealed envelope, or ask your doctor at a later date.
TMommy TMommy 4 years 29 weeks
Its a surprise even if you find out half way there!!! :-)
4 years 29 weeks
I've been blessed with 3 wonderful babies, and I did NOT find out with any of them. There were so many reasons we didn't find out. The biggest for me was with the 1st. I had it in my head that I had to have a boy first and I felt at the time that if I'd have found out before that it was a girl, I'd be disappointed and it would take me longer to be happy about, but if we waited and I'd been through all the labour and delivery, I'd just be happy to have a healthy baby that was finally here! We also feel that there really are so few true happy surprises in life that we should savour each one of them! As for decorating and buying items, we never have really decorated in a gender related way. We've always just been into bright and cheery colors for the bedrooms and such. With the clothes, because babies grow so quickly and everyone loves to give clothes as gifts, we bought white and grey, with some yellow and green mostly to get us through 2 weeks. We also bought 1 outfit each boy and girl for coming home to have at the hospital. After the baby arrived it was fun taking them to get clothes special for them in whatever colors we found that suited them and were cute, and what actually fit because they grow and change sizes so rapidly. Don't forget also that, girls can look really cute in blue but boys look a little funny in pink. My girls still love to wear their brother's blue hand-me-downs!
4 years 29 weeks
We did end up finding out and I am really glad we did. I feel so much more connected to the baby now knowing who he is, then I did before when I was pregnant with a phantom baby. It was really nice, my husband and I were the only ones at the ultrasound when the tech told us. I think it was just as exciting. Even though I have never had the experience of finding out at birth. We will always find out in future pregnancies. It totally makes the whole thing so much more real and exciting, to me anyways. Plus the planning and buying things is much much easier. Good luck with your pregnancy and whatever you decide!
4 years 29 weeks
we waited until she was born - it was the best surprise ever! its definitely hard to wait and finding gender-neutral stuff was kind of tough, but not impossible! i think you should wait! the best part was that everybody (not me though) thought it would be a boy. when little shirley was born i couldnt stop laughing (thank you drugs) because it was such a wonderful surprise to have a little girl :) good luck!
FrankiLee FrankiLee 4 years 29 weeks
I found out the sex when I was pregnant with my daughter, and had mixed feelings about it. I was excited, but I also kind of wanted that "It's a girl!" moment. I think the next time around I'll wait. It seems like it would be tough to wait, but I think the surprise would be so exciting! Another thing to think about is that it's never 100% sure. A friend of mine found out the sex and they were told it was DEFINITELY a boy. So, they bought all boy stuff, were given all boy things, had the name picked out, etc., and surprise, they had a girl! So, it's never certain. I'd stick with the gender-neutral clothes and decor anyways just to be safe.
lauren lauren 4 years 29 weeks
I have never had a child but I think I would want to wait! It is such a surprise when you finally meet your new little person! Congratulations and clearly your little one loves yoga!