Do I keep the friendship or let it go? I'm so conflicted and hurt.
This year has been the worst for me in terms of love and relationships. I'm an attractive girl, I'm smart and educated, but I seem to keep falling for guys who are not into me or who date me for a while to realize they don't want to commit. It's taken a real toll on my confidence and self esteem to the point where I don't want to date another guy for at least 6 months. Not until I can be happy on my own. The problem is...I'm "in love" with one of my best guy friends.
We've known each other for about a year. At first, we were interested in each other and went on a few dates, but I approached him when I heard from a friend that he liked me but wasn't ready for a relationship. Truth is...he was in love with his best girlfriend and holding out for her. Well...things ended up not working out with them and he is now single.
Up until christmas, he would text me everyday to say hi. He even put a picture of us up together on his social networking site, which I thought was odd, because A. I don't have a facebook, so I couldnt see it unless I looked on my friends account and B. Because he's told me over and over again that we are just friends. I didn't understand what that meant, if anything. Anyhow, he invited me to spend christmas with him since I would be alone and so I did. However, it was the most awkward interaction in the world. I could tell he was uncomfortable being near me. I don't know if he feels that I am still attracted to him or what, but the person I spent time with wasnt my friend. I felt like he didnt even want me there. He spent the whole night texting until I got aggravated with him and asked him who he was texting. I had driven a long way to spend time with him and it really just hurt my feelings to see him interested in conversations, elsewhere.
The next day...our picture together is off and now its just one of him by himself.
Words can't describe what I feel for this guy, but to continue with this "unrequited love" hurts so bad. He says that we are really good friends and that I am one of the realest friends he has, but then he acts like a stranger when were are together face to face. I am so confused. and hurt. I just wish I could see him platonically but I can't. Not to mention, I am 99% positive he is interested and talking to someone else...whom I've met.
Do I continue this year long friendship where we've grown so close or cut him out of my life? It hurts both ways, but I want to quit thinking that one day he'll love me when it's hit me in the face that he won't.