The Don'ts of Visiting a New Baby in the Hospital
- Don't snap mad photos without permission — especially if the mama has a visible catheter bag or stained sheets.
- Don't stare or ask to touch her brand-new Dolly Parton boobs. News flash: engorged breasts hurt!
- Don't ask if she had her tubes tied or if her hubby is getting a vasectomy.
- Don't discuss the family's carbon footprint.
- Don't ask if there's any way the baby's conehead can be molded.
- No matter how big the baby's head is, don't speculate about the size of her pelvis or hips.
- Don't refer to the child as having "elf ears."
- Don't attribute every baby smile to gas.
- Don't mention that you think today's parents don't have a clue.
- Don't ask when they are going to try for another one!
- Don't question if the husband is really the father since the baby looks nothing like him!
- Don't try to persuade the parents to change the baby's name by coming up with all the awful nicknames you think the child faces.
- Don't talk about everything that is wrong with the world.
- Unless she offers, don't ask the degree of her tear.
- Don't exclaim, "Oh, I love your mom pooch!" It's not like she can speed up a contracting uterus.
Add your additions to this list below!