Group Therapy
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Rose Iphone 5 Case
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Saved 11/17/12 to Group Therapy

IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE?


Hi!I broke up 2 months ago. It was a best buds into love birds relationship. I can't say it was always just friendship because i had a little crush on him in 10th grade, but got over it soon enough and he liked me for two years before i accepted him.So, initially it was good. Sweet. He is an emotionally closed person... and he was opening up slowly to me.. but i think my constant nagging.. neediness and abusiveness drove him away like a scared puppy. And ,ade him lose the respcet for me.He wasn't open about us with all his friends, just the close ones...that bothered me as all were girls and some hit on him too. I was a pit of insecurity and jealousy, and little by little he kept taking me less seriously each day.My biggest fault was my language. I would abuse a girl who sent him hearts on chat or a girl who put up a profile picture with him or any one who told him that she was on her period, and he got sick of it. He took me for granted too. It drove me crazy. I would have dumped him soon after first sign of that, but his being the closest friend of mine stopped me always.I have a history of emotional hurt with most of the people i have trusted, cheated me or left me, laughed at me, even family.. and some how i think that the problem is me...somewhere it is i think.Well.. after a year and more of this, even i got sick of all this and decided to take a month or so break, the moment i did, he was all on knees... it was almost same again but once again we fought and he stopped talking.The break up was brutal. But i could see he was glad. He left me alone for a few days but then again calling at nights, talking like best buds continued. I don't want it but i can't seem to let it go. Sometimes i feel he tests me, making me jealous and everything.. to see how i will react. If i don't react jealous he tends to be attracted and if i do he gets complacant like i am where he wants me.I understand this and i am nuetral with this matter, kind of. But i am not able to hold it for long, sometimes i crack and it all comes rushing backI know he feels something even now, he believes that if i stay as friends with him i will get over this insecurity. "special friends".Even i know i need so much mending in me. My self esteem, my Confidence, my trust, everything is completely shattered. He is also emotionally damaged. But he has a much stronger will power and i have 0.I want it to work out, some day. If it has to. Months, years. I'm up for it if it does. But i  have to get over all of the bad things and work on me and only me.But sometimes i lose it.. i start crying and begging and hurting myself. While talking i would  be saying that "being friends is cool" and the next i'll be crying and asking him to give another try. To which he answers, i will not be able to handle a relationship again. It happened last night. I am a mess still. I want to stop that. All the mess i become. If i could stop that, it'll all be easier for both of us. Help.

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Angel-of-hope Angel-of-hope 1 year 43 weeks
i am also from the same family background and was abused a lot . my family, relatives they laugh at me and their behavior has made me kind of rude . i mean sometimes i just over react . i don't have a choice to go for any psychiatrist for counseling so i am in this group at least taking advices from wise ladies. well now come to your point. just leave him and let the relationship stay behind . the thing is that i won't say that you guys didn't have the base of any relationship but did he ever tried to understand you that why you were just mad at his close relationship with female friends ? i think he never asked you about that. so girl he was not your type . i can understand you should be in a mess right now and need to calm down. sit and close your eyes , tale deep breath. empty your mind. start to keep yourself busy. by the way if your family abuses you just ignore if possible or make them understand you are not a matter of laugh. you are just you. best of luck :) :) :)
henna-red henna-red 1 year 43 weeks
"I can't seem to let it go." You don't want to let it go. Letting it go means giving up on the hope of a future for this relationship. At this point, the only healthy thing you can do is to let go of this relationship and focus yourself, and your issues. Until you, yourself, are healthy enough to manage a relationship, it won't matter whom you find partner wise. It's your behaviors you need to change. And as you do, the people to whom you are attracted will change, and visa versa. We all find friends and potential partners who aren't healthy or appropriate....but when we're healthy, we don't accept those people as partner material. That's your goal....to recogninze in yourself what is healthy, and to extend that judgement to potential partners.....and this guy isn't that. Get yourself into therapy, girl. You need some professional help to learn these lessons, these skills. The fact that you recognize your insecurities and abuse issues means that you have a leg up on addressing them. Of course, it's easier to talk about those things here than for the first time in a counselor's office, but it's time for you to take that plunge. No more best friends. You two don't have the base you need for a friendship. Cut him loose, let him go, cut off contact, and refocus all of that misplaced attention back to yourself. Look for the support of family and friends. Make your decisions, and stick to them. Stop with the wishy washy......walk your talk. good luck to you
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 1 year 43 weeks
"I'm going to focus on changing myself while I continue to hang onto him for dear life while he continues to undermine me" is insane. Sanity is leaving so you have a chance at finding someone capable of a real partnership. *And* working on yourself. But if you leave him for good and try to figure out why you're hurting yourself with relationships like this is the best sign of your mental and emotional health. Could you imagine living every day in this kind of confusion for the rest of your life? Some marriages are exactly that. Keeping him around is no victory. Unless you value tenacity over peace of mind. Some people do.