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Saved 7/12/09 to Spoon Full of Sugar

The Granny Chronicals


Written By JLHG...Anita Hugg

During the lifetime of every woman a time comes slowly in awareness that more living has been accomplished than there is time left to live. The word I seek is retrospection. (Insert soft groan here)
 
Readers are gearing up to hear the long winded and usually boring life lessons that grandmothers are known to give, especially after a couple of times that gran has bailed out her family’s mistakes, eased them over the humps of legal, medical and emotional mountains and downed an ultimate margarita, while soaking my old joints in a whirlpool bath.
 
 This, my friend, is the memory moment that counts. The “ Granny Chronicles” come unassisted to mind, seemingly never following a direct path. Being “on the soak” opens up the memory banks to all kinds of knowledge that never is heard around the dinner table when the stories seem to flow effortlessly and each persons memory differs from the memories of their siblings.
 
Among my memory treasures the awareness comes and goes not unlike the stock market. You put them in the memory bank and then, someone else moves them around and when you get them back, they are changed No further explanation, I offer you one word, “Latex”. Within, the life experiences of my grandchildren, their female body is uplifted, controlled, flattened, desirably managed by products called: SPANX. Latex and Spanx being about 50 years and a generation apart.
 
Get ready, here it comes. IN my day, Latex was king. The wobbly skin that stretched our yielding body parts into a roman column. A firm foundation rivaled only by the bone and ‘stay’ corsets of my grandmother’s day. There was a smell that came with the under garments and it was inherent to the smells you find in a Army-Navy Store. A somewhat familiar odor and at the same time, disgusting. Once, you become accustomed to the fleshly smell, then your sweat glands become active and if the latex is covering your lower trunk, the trickle of sweat running down your behind crack becomes unbearable as there is NO way to scratch that itch!
 
The space between a young woman’s legs becomes a war zone, not unlike fighting in full battle gear in sand dunes in summer . If you are wearing the garment that has legs? Your swishing walk speaks volumes-just consider a barrel walking or better yet, sitting. Your stockings are crammed into the legs and your every prayer is that they never work their way out of the leg and give up even more flesh to be scalded. Within, design, there is the latex girdle that just rides over your hips leaving the clips hanging down, the ones that hold your stockings, if you are lucky.
 
This garment was never created for beauty, no matter what Victoria Secret or Fredrick’s of Hollywood sells today. In my mother’s day her silk stockings were given up for the war effort and the silk sent to factories that produced parachutes. In my day the stockings were gladly given up to the invention of panty hose.
 
A sigh of relief could be heard throughout the land. We had wiggled and squirmed, pulled and prayed, laid on the bed and tugged the latex stuff , trying to gets its fleshy cold arms around our hot young bodies. Panty hose was the stuff of dreams. We already knew the drill. Consider, the way to put them on or how to get them on our legs, up to our crotch(never happens) and over the hips to the waist (many times reaching all the way up to the bust).
 
The miracle had its moments of weakness when our fingernails tugged too hard and went right through the hose, ripping it and letting the runner beasts out. At this point, you could put on another pair of pantyhose that had the one good leg and cut off the other bad leg-combining the two pair into one-in despair at what happens at the top. This puts you into mind," Does the old garter belt still live in my dresser?" These memories come unasked.
 
The smell of my latex pillow in the hot water of my whirlpool tub brings me up to date, thankful, that today almost all young ladies wear their high heels-BARELEGGED. There is a God.

cheekyredhead cheekyredhead 4 years 45 weeks
LOL...My Mother gave me my Cheekiness... this article of hers is proof!
cheekyredhead cheekyredhead 5 years 8 weeks
Glad you liked it..spread the word! I'm too cheeky to keep to yourself.
JessieSP JessieSP 5 years 8 weeks
"I caught someone selling my work as their own." How foul is that one. And nice blog :)
cheekyredhead cheekyredhead 5 years 9 weeks
I stay off the poltical boards/posts there. Not because they scare me or intimidate me BUT because you guys are hard enough to keep up with. Here is a link to probably the best article I have ever read there, but couldn't get the author to answer my email request to repost it here. I loathe reposting things without permission because I caught someone selling my work as their own. http://www.divinecaroline.com/22353/61730-death-paradigm
ccpdm ccpdm 5 years 9 weeks
btw, cheeky, i got on divinecaroline and probably pissed some guy off with my response to his remarks about the horrid palin chick....... i think i suggested he move to iraq or iran, based on his comment, of course. :innocent: ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." Ronald Reagan
cheekyredhead cheekyredhead 5 years 9 weeks
Sure. Will do!
samantha999 samantha999 5 years 9 weeks
let us know when our mom posts again. her stories are great. :) *************** "I will marshal all the forces of darkness to hound you to an assisted suicide." - In the Loop
cheekyredhead cheekyredhead 5 years 9 weeks
The twins got all the primary colors. My Mom is also an artist...the twins had a large painting of a his-and-her Raggedy Anns...which was perfect as the twins were one of each. The twins room--it was so colorful and marvelous. It looked like a giant crazy quilt. My sister and I shared another room--I don't remember for sure but I remember shades of brown and gold. Memory fails me on this one...I guess I wanted their room secretly. ;)
samantha999 samantha999 5 years 9 weeks
The carpet story is great. What color was in your room? *************** "I will marshal all the forces of darkness to hound you to an assisted suicide." - In the Loop
cheekyredhead cheekyredhead 5 years 9 weeks
Here is a link for my Mom's column "The Granny Chronicles" on divinecaroline.com so Please enjoy! She was thrilled by the activity and excitement that her first article recieved on here. http://www.divinecaroline.com/22138/78659-granny-chronicles--number
samantha999 samantha999 5 years 9 weeks
for the lazy young mother who does not won't to clean up her messy kid - sure. *************** "I will marshal all the forces of darkness to hound you to an assisted suicide." - In the Loop
ccpdm ccpdm 5 years 9 weeks
gk, :rotfl: sam, i bet i could make a bib out of sanitary napkins... i wonder if there would be a market for those?? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." Ronald Reagan
samantha999 samantha999 5 years 9 weeks
Memories, oh, oh, oh, memories :rotfl: cc we will get you a bib. *************** "I will marshal all the forces of darkness to hound you to an assisted suicide." - In the Loop
GKitty GKitty 5 years 9 weeks
Sometimes I go down the sanitary napkin isle and read the boxes...like greeting cards.
ccpdm ccpdm 5 years 9 weeks
Well, well, cheeky, I see where you got your love of words! I think you can make slippers out of those multi-use sanitary napkins, as well... :oy: And, Sam, I say EEEWWWW! Thank G-d for hysterectomies! I'm with GK ~ wear white pants any day without fear! (You just spilled everything else on them!!) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." Ronald Reagan
eastcoastgirl eastcoastgirl 5 years 9 weeks
GKitty - :ROTFL:!!
samantha999 samantha999 5 years 9 weeks
The closest I have come to them is seeing them in a movie :shrug: *************** "I will marshal all the forces of darkness to hound you to an assisted suicide." - In the Loop
cheekyredhead cheekyredhead 5 years 9 weeks
OMG...garter belt for napkins. THAT is a whole other post! I am sure many of us have nightmares about them. I wore mine one month and then it became my brother's sling shot...and I told my Mom there HAD to be a better alternative...and of course there was. Years later we laughed about it. My brother said it made the best sling-shot he ever had.
GKitty GKitty 5 years 9 weeks
I don't have to be careful about what I ware, date night when I want too, WHITE dresses, skirts, shorts...Summertime is fun!!!
samantha999 samantha999 5 years 9 weeks
Lucky! *************** "I will marshal all the forces of darkness to hound you to an assisted suicide." - In the Loop
GKitty GKitty 5 years 9 weeks
Don't get the spill anymore...I'm FREE!!!
samantha999 samantha999 5 years 9 weeks
:rotfl: They are great for sopping of spills of all kinds. *************** "I will marshal all the forces of darkness to hound you to an assisted suicide." - In the Loop
GKitty GKitty 5 years 9 weeks
I have a pack of the adhesive "overnighters" in my linen closet as a "keepsake".
samantha999 samantha999 5 years 9 weeks
EEEWWWW! Thank G-d for adhesive pads. *************** "I will marshal all the forces of darkness to hound you to an assisted suicide." - In the Loop
GKitty GKitty 5 years 9 weeks
You're only as old as you feel. The metal clip of the garter would get caught in your private parts...and you could not adjust it. Touching yourself in public was a sin!!!