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Saved 11/30/07 to Group Therapy

Group Therapy: He Doesn't Call When He Says He Will



We've been dating for about a month. Every thing's going great except he often doesn't call when he says he will. He says, "I'll call you tomorrow" and he doesn't. This happens a couple of times per week. Should I let him know it makes me feel bad? I look forward to talking to him and when he doesn't call, I'm really disappointed. Or will speaking up scare him off?

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notinthemood notinthemood 4 years 41 weeks
Nothing is wrong with you, unless you count sticking it out with someone to whom you are an option. He should want to see you and want to talk to you. People who don't follow through don't care. Find a guy who can't wait to talk to you again.
4 years 41 weeks
I have the exact same problem recently . The guy I'm dating now, I've been with him two months passed yesterday. The last time I spoke with him over the phone was late Tuesday when he said he will come pick me up on Wednesday to do something. Wednesday I received a morning text wishing me a good day, than in the afternoon he sent another texting he will after work. He never called. He never showed up. The next day I did not hear at all from him. Friday I receive a text message wishing me a nice day, as if the fact that Wednesday never existed. Friday night I got a goodnight text at 10pm and all today Saturday my phone has been silent. This guy works long hours, I understand that, I'm also studying for exams, but his behavior and broken promises are frustrating me and I can't focus on school. Recently, there have also been changes in job positions at my work. Just the other day my manager got fired and I did not know where I stand. I couldn't even share this news with him. In the meanwhile he bought a ticket for a trip he had always been planning - the only way I found this out was through a profile status message on his face book wall. Regardless of how busy I am with school, and what time he finishes work (him knowing I stay up late to study) he has not come to see me nor has he called for 4 days now. What to do? I feel one minute I want to burst out at him the next I feel guilty for wanting to do so. What is wrong with me?
Bouncing-Betty Bouncing-Betty 5 years 43 weeks
I think you should call him. I understand why they say you shouldn't call. It increases your allure, they say. Men love the thrill of the chase. But so what, he'll eventually call, you'll be elated, and the pattern will continue! So call him. If it turns him off, GOOD! The right guy will love it when you call.
cobi27 cobi27 6 years 1 week
Tell him you think maybe you should just be friends. he will LOVE you!
vmruby vmruby 6 years 42 weeks
I don't have the time nor the patience for someone who can't even call when he says he will.I think it's pretty pathetic and IMO it's just a warning sign of things to come.If you really want to help yourself then lose him, he's useless and you deserve better.
Asia84 Asia84 6 years 42 weeks
he's not worth your time. we all deserve a guy who can't wait to call you, and talk about his day and ask about yours. he's a jerk. NEXT!
klandrach klandrach 6 years 42 weeks
The guys that I have dated that have acted like that turn out to be bad news. If a guy is really interested, wants a relationship and cares about your feelings he will call. Guys that say they will and don't are immature and inconsiderate, from what I have experienced. I guess you are the one that needs to decide what type of guy you would rather date. Not trying to judge because god knows I have chosen the jerks over the nice guys way too many times!
karlotta karlotta 6 years 42 weeks
Alright, I really think that everybody's making a huge deal out of this, when she said he only does it a couple of times a week. Saying "I'll call you tomorrow" is a casual expression, not a contract set in stone. Of course it means he's not crazy about you (yet again, all men don't call 10 times a day even when they're madly in love, and remember that some of them feel awkward on the phone and don't dial even if they'd like to), but maybe he'll grow into being crazy about you, ESPECIALLY if you don't wait by the phone. I like the advice to call him yourself when you feel like talking to him - but unless he's doing this in a very disrespectful way, or doesn't give news for days on end, I think it's really no big deal and you shouldn't call him on it.
lemassabielle lemassabielle 6 years 42 weeks
CaterpillarGirl, I was just going to recommend that book "He's just not that into you," haha.
LittleLady12 LittleLady12 6 years 42 weeks
CaterpillarGirl, you took the words right out of my mouth! He's just not that into you. Sorry. And guys aren't forgetful when they are into you. That's just an excuse. MOVE ON.
cubadog cubadog 6 years 42 weeks
If you want to talk to him so bad why don't you call him or speak up, let him know you don't appreciate it when he does not follow through. I can't tell if you are still in school or out in the working world but I know for me work is busy for me all the time and to be honest I just don't feel like calling people all the time. I do always apologize but all of my friends are understanding since we are all in the same boat. Get a hobby other than sitting by the phone.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 6 years 42 weeks
Hes just not into you. really
lilprincess lilprincess 6 years 42 weeks
Ok, I HATE that... so this is what I do. Just tell him that it bothers you because you hate when people don't follow through on something they said they would do. I always just say that that's my pet peeve, and then it doesn't come across as clingy or even personal, he'll just realize it's a general thing you don't like. With that said, if it is happening too often, or he's playing other games with you, drop him. He isn't worth your time.
nicachica nicachica 6 years 42 weeks
lol Erratic - i second that notion! guys will ALWAYS make the time to call if they are interested. no ifs, ands or buts about it. period.
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 6 years 42 weeks
He's already not giving you what you need, and you've only been dating him for a MONTH! move on. someone ELSE out there in the world would call u. dump the moron. Like pick up your phone right now, dial his number and leave him a breakup message (assuming he doesn't answer his phone). Then hang up, dial ur friends' #'s and make plans to have some shit-facing fun tonight. haha. It's friday!
remedios remedios 6 years 42 weeks
"Should I let him know it makes me feel bad?" Why are you even unsure about this? Of course you should let him know. Don't be melodramatic about it. But maybe he is absent minded and just doesn't think it matters.
laura6567 laura6567 6 years 42 weeks
I don't understand why nobody has given the advice to call him yourself. Next time he says he'll call but doesn't, call him up. If you want to bring it up, say something to the effect of "I'm just calling to make sure you're ok, since you said you'd call but didn't."
princess_eab princess_eab 6 years 42 weeks
Look, it's the screaming girl in the ugly shirt again!! Back on topic: you need to talk to him. From my experience, it's likely that he's less interested in the relationship than you are. Life's too short to waste on someone who makes promises and doesn't keep them when he's just starting to DATE you-- he should be on his best behavior now, and if he's not, it doesn't look good for the future.
chakra_healer chakra_healer 6 years 42 weeks
Ok, I'm not into playing games, but sometimes you have to prove a point. The problem isn't that he doesn't call when he says he will. Rather, it is that you are available whenever he calls. So be more unavailable. If he doesn't pursue you, he isn't interested. If you come home to his number 10 times on your caller id, he is very much interested. Yes, turn off the cell or ignore his calls. He should really only have one way to reach you. Most women meet a guy and give him the key to their world: "Here's my cell, home, email, backup email, myspace, facebook, etc.". Leave some mystery and let him prove his interest or lack of it. So far, he doesn't seem to be that interested. Make him work for your attention, if he doesn't, move on.
gooniette gooniette 6 years 42 weeks
Wow, I love how strong the women are on this website. Yes, in theory you should be able to kick him to the curb no problem, but I've dealt with charmers who always have a really good excuse for not calling and can win their way back into your good graces. The best advice I could give though is to not pay attention to him. He's not deserving of it. If you cut him off now, it will save you tons of heartache and confusion as to why he tells you one thing, but doesn't act on it. Good luck staying strong!
mcreverie mcreverie 6 years 42 weeks
SPEAK UP. Simple. I don't mean to be insensitive but really if you're ever confused about whether to tell your bf how you're feeling or if you shouldn't, always choose to tell him. That's the only way you guys will grow as a couple (and if he doesn't care that your feelings are hurt, then you know he should be dumped).
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 6 years 42 weeks
He's probably testing you. To see how much it takes to piss you off and make you say something. Hoenslty, you think WE play the games...nahh...it's those men!
hotstuff hotstuff 6 years 42 weeks
If someone is interested in you they WILL make time to call when they say so. Move on.
blingbling blingbling 6 years 42 weeks
Ugh who has TIME for this? Call him out on this NOW. It's just inconsiderate. If he doesn't agree, then move on. it's too early in the relationship for this kind of crap.
annbaby annbaby 6 years 43 weeks
Maybe you should give him a chance. Perhaps he's just forgetful. The next time he says he'll call, casually crack a smile and say, "Sure, I hope you're attracted to old women because that's probably how old I'll be when I actually get your call." If you've only been dating one month, you definitely don't want to press him. But do hint that you've caught up to his habits.