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Saved 4/25/08 to Group Therapy

Group Therapy: He Refuses to Give Me Jewelry

My boyfriend of two years refuses to give me jewelery. He says he doesn't believe in it, which is just ridiculous. I can't understand why he's like this. He's not cheap in the slightest. He'll buy me anything I want — as long as it has practical value. He even said he would give me money to buy jewelry if I wanted it, but that he would have no part in picking it out for me. The only reason I want jewelery to begin with is because I like to have something tangible to remind me of him when we're apart. I'm sorry, but electronics are not as special as jewelery. I don't even want anything expensive, just a little something that I can wear to feel close to him. He will not budge, and it's gotten to the point where if I bring it up we will have a huge fight about it. He is supportive in every other way, but this is driving me crazy. I'm really upset, and I don't know what to do. How can I get over this?

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girlwparasol girlwparasol 8 years 4 weeks
i've never gotten any jewelry from a boyfriend (including the current one, who is now fiance.) i've never wanted any either. i just feel like there are more personal gifts out there. (and yes, more useful ones. jewelry is very expensive and doesn't do very much except sparkle.) i mean, would i rather get diamonds for christmas, like every other girl gets, or something that shows that he really thought about ME? if you really want jewelry, i suppose that's fine, but aren't there other ways you can be reminded of him when you two are apart? i mean, i can definitely understand him. my mother loves getting jewelry, and i can never get her any because i just don't know how to pick it out. she's never been disappointed with my gifts, though. besides, isn't it a bit ungrateful to be so particular? if he's getting you gifts, you should be thankful for that. i mean, they're GIFTS, after all.
sass317 sass317 8 years 4 weeks
avettafawna- I will totally give you that some guys just cannot pick out jewelry to save their lives. I have gotten some gifts like that in the past. Luckily for me DH does a great job(and gets a huge kick out of picking something and me absolutely loving it)- but I think she is just saying that she would like him to try. If he doesnt do a good job (or picks something ugly on purpose so she wont want him to pick it himself anymore [like an ex I had that shrank my clothes in the laundry on purpose so I would do all the laundry myself]) then she shouldnt stress about taking the money and picking something for herself. I just think hes inconsiderate- I mean what woman would want a vacuum cleaner or dvd player for valentines day? He gives her what he thinks she SHOULD want or what he would want, not what she actually wants.
karlotta karlotta 8 years 4 weeks
Wow, that post - and a whole lot of replies - made me want to never come back to this website ever ever ever again. That was just gross.
avettafawna avettafawna 8 years 4 weeks
I get what you're saying sass, but I still think the post is ridiulous. I actually think he is being more considerate giving her cash to get what she wants than picking out something himself. I mean, how much would it suck for both of them if, after two years and multiple fights, he finally caved, bought her a piece of jewelry, and it was super ugly? Then she would either return it and crush his feelings while proving him right all along, or have to wear some ugly piece of jewelry everywhere to prove her point. In a perfect world all of our boyfriends would have fantastic taste and buy us fabulous presents that we all love, but it rarely works out like that. I think this poster should accept the reality that her boyfriend is not a jewelry man, take his money and use expertise to buy herself something nice. Perhaps when she wears this piece of jewelry she can be remind herself that their relationship is a success because her strengths (good taste/grace) balance out his weaknesses (bad taste/stubborness).
gossipqueen gossipqueen 8 years 4 weeks
CLAREBERRYS... 1000% Agreed! Is those little "sacrifices" that makes you feel not exactly about the material things. Taking you out for sushi when he doesn't eat fish...buying you flowers when he's allergic... watching a movie he knows he'll called ROMANCE!
sass317 sass317 8 years 5 weeks
I think her point is that this is something she wants, doesnt matter how small and he isnt considering her feelings. I think its incredibly stupid that he thinks jewelry is a waste of money but electronics arent. I know there is a huge market for estate and antique jewelry- probably not so much for obselete electronics. My brother thinks jewelry is stupid too, but he has finally come to realize that when buying a gift for someone you love, it isnt about what HE thinks- its about what SHE wants I LOVE rings, always have, but (when we were dating) DH made it VERY clear that he had never bought a ring for a girl and wouldnt until he was buying an engagement ring. He is just really traditional like that. But he wasnt opposed to buying me a necklace and earrings before the engagement ring came around :)
avettafawna avettafawna 8 years 5 weeks
Sorry, upon second thought I think it was mean of me to say that you suck, but I stand by the rest of my statement.
avettafawna avettafawna 8 years 5 weeks
You sound like you suck, so I'm not going to waste a whole lot of time repeating what everyone else already said. But to answer your question about how you get over it: Just get over it. Grow up and leanr that the best gift is finding a man who loves you just as you are. If you were a wise enough girl you wouldn't need a shiny piece of jewelry to remind you of that when you're apart.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years 5 weeks
Please stop whining.
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 8 years 5 weeks
I think you're being greedy. If you want jewelry to remember your boyfriend by, buy yourself a necklace with his initials, a locket with his picture in it, whatever. I would never depend on my boyfriend to buy me gifts...I'm not dating him for that. If you accept his money and buy jewelry with it, you have a sugar daddy (and you're a goldigger), as it complies with the accepted definition of the word. This gives women a bad reputation...Why is a guy required to buy women jewelry (or expensive things), but women still want to be treated equal? Don't demand gifts if you aren't showering your man with them, either.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years 5 weeks
Take the money and buy yourself something or ask him to buy you a gift that you can always have near you to remind you of him. You obviously can't wear the same clothes or shoes everyday but something you can keep near you to remind you of him. Both of you are just being stubborn and it's probably going to cause more of a problem if you can't get past it.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 8 years 5 weeks
My mom has always told me growing up that jewelry traditionally represents romantic love and attachment, and that I can see a guy's 'intention' based on his gifts to me. I know it sounds very old-fashioned, I think it's quite true. Sure, there are other aspects to determine a guy's romantic feeling, but I think this is one of them. Your bf is odd because he refuses to buy you any jewelry (that will definitely please you a great deal) but will buy you other things. And he knows YOU (his precious gf) wants a piece of jewelry. What's wrong with buying a piece of jewelry anyway, especially if he usually grants you anything you want? I agree w/ the pov that something is a little bit 'off' with him. He should want to please you, not 'control' what he can give to you. I had only ONE relationship where the guy told me that he hated giving jewelry because it's 'impractical' (I never asked for one, but during X-mas time, he was telling me how he was when it came to giving gifts). Sure enough, I found out a couple months later, just before I ended it that he never was sure about being committed to me in the long run. The guys who were more than happy to give me pieces of jewelry (bracelets, rings, necklaces) were usually the ones who didn't have any hesitation to be committed/engaged. Honestly, I'm not a big jewelry lover, but my hubby LOVES to get this and that for me, just because. At X-mas I actually FORCED him to buy me a kitchen appliance that I've always wanted instead of a necklace :) Good luck to you, OP. *Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*
looseseal looseseal 8 years 5 weeks
Cut him loose. 'Cause I want a man like him! Haha. If he'd buy you anything else, and is otherwise supportive, it doesn't sound like he doesn't want to do nice things for the one he loves. Jewelry is the only sticking point. That's very curious. It's possibly my overactive imagination, but I kind of get the feeling there might be a more unusual reason for this "no jewelry" thing. I mean, it's strange for someone to feel so strongly about such a seemingly small thing for apparently no reason ("not practical"? Not a real reason. Come on, plenty of things besides jewelry aren't practical). Maybe something horrible related to jewelry happened in his past. Maybe he picked out really bad jewelry before and got dumped over it. Heehee. Seriously, I once worked in a shop with really ugly jewelry, and my co-worker and I called those things "break-up makers" on the sly. And men would buy those things for their wives and girlfriends. Maybe something really bad happened after he brought someone jewelry and now he's secretly convinced he's cursed as far as jewelry is concerned. But that sounds so ridiculous he doesn't want to say it out loud for fear of being mocked. Or maybe he'd be willing to get you something like this USB flash drive that's pretty enough to be worn as a necklace. Honestly, I'd absolutely go gaga over a guy thoughtful enough to get me one of these babies filled with pics and vids of our time together. I'm usually hopelessly unromantic and unsentimental, but that'd melt me for sure.
Asia84 Asia84 8 years 5 weeks
settling. . . .
Asia84 Asia84 8 years 5 weeks
where do you girls find these Prince Charmings???? Does he have a brother??? Hook a b*cth UP!!! ___ i don't understand why he can't get you a simple pice of jewelry. it can be a $99 butterfly necklace from Zales and i'm sure the OP would be just as happy. Why? because he thought "hmm, this is a nice necklace, Jenny might like it. she's my best gal, i'm gonna get it for her". whatever. i never had this problem. what does he get you for xmas/birthdays/valintine's ??? i have a friend who isn't into jewelry, but she LOVESSSS Lab dogs. and while they are eating her out of house and home(she has to get their food by the pallet and a bi-weekly basis. not practical), her man is always buying her a damn dog (she has 4, just got a chocolate Lab for xmas). it's not the gift, it's the sentimental value of the stupid dogs! i don't think i would want to be with a man who refused to give a gift (it can be a new set of rubber gloves) but will buy you other crap. it would make me think he has an issue with symbols of love, yielding to him having commitment issues. i bet you will date him for 5 more years before he will even discuss getting married. great guy, just won't go out of his way for you. i don't believe in withholding sex, but it's mighty funny how you give a little sucky-sucky despite bouts of lock-jaw and cotton mouth, when THAT is pretty unpractical IMO.
Cynnie Cynnie 8 years 5 weeks
amen Marcella!!!
luisamapacha luisamapacha 8 years 5 weeks
I can't believe how trivial everyone thinks this is! She wants something that represents his love and commitment, and he's not willing to give it to her! It's that simple. There's a bigger issue at hand, and she needs to figure out what's going on in his head.
Berlin Berlin 8 years 5 weeks
Damn girl grow up! He doesn't buy you jewelry and you're upset? Geez, I feel sorry for him! Realize there are far more important things going on in the world than your fantastic lover not buying you pretty bling to have on you, and if you need something tangible to remind you of him and his undying love, then you need to seriously think about resolving some inner issues of abandonment. Jewelry only symbolizes affection b/c we put that label on it ourselves! It's really what was usually bought for the 'girlfriend' or mistress while the wife got far less, or it was bought out of guilt. How about adore the fact that he is caring and would buy you anything else? And why are you putting so much emphasis on the fact that he needs to care about picking it out for you? You are the one that cares, not him, so don't put that pressure on him. Shame on you!
cvandoorn cvandoorn 8 years 5 weeks
Ok I just posted a long comment...where did it go??
cvandoorn cvandoorn 8 years 5 weeks
I don't think you're materialistic, but I do think you sound a little immature in your post. And to the people who wrote that she gets everything else besides jewelry, read her post carefully...she gets things that are practical. And you know how guys are with practical gifts. See, we could think that new Balenciaga purse is practical. But they don't. So most likely her bf gets her gifts that are practical to HIM. Your bf is just stubborn! I would be overjoyed if my bf gave me money to go out and buy whatever I want, but that's because he's already bought me jewelry before in the past. Your bf could have given you a cute necklace or ring for valentine's day these past two years, and he hasn't yet! Or what about birthdays and holidays? It's not that difficult to buy you some pretty jewelry! I wonder if he ever proposes to you, if the engagement ring will make up for it all? But i'm assuming you don't want to wait until then, or your fighting and nagging will drive him away. Either way, if he isn't making you happy (and for you this may very well be the tip on the iceberg, whereas for others, its no big deal) then start looking for a guy who can provide you with whatever you want :) Good luck!
AujahAcorn AujahAcorn 8 years 5 weeks
Gesh SoFiaCaLZoNe! that's a stinker! i kinda had a similar experience but not with jewelry. it was with vacations. dated a guy for 3 years and asked to go on a vaca's with him... no dice. we broke up and 3 months later he was in hawaii with a girl. hahahahaha. glad i broke it off : ) My bf is not a buy jewelry kind of person. just not in his caricature. Sure i would love it if her came home with a diamond necklace but..... there is no way he would ever do that for anyone. he is just my Barry and that's that.
monkeyinabarrel monkeyinabarrel 8 years 5 weeks
maybe he is just worried he won't be able to pick out something that you will like
SoFiaCaLZoNe SoFiaCaLZoNe 8 years 5 weeks
I agree with you and I think you need to do ssomething about it. I went out with a guy for 6 years and he always said the first piece of jewelery he'd buy is my engagment ring. He was definetly not cheap either. RIGHT. We broke up. He started dating a girl for 4 months and already bought her a ring, not an engagement ring though. So basically he didn't want to buy ME any jewelery. If I were you, I'd be out of there.
snarkypants snarkypants 8 years 5 weeks
no offense, but i probably wouldn't give you jewelry either. ungrateful much? plus, i agree with aimeeb. what if he got you something you thought was ugly? then would you be complaining because he bought the wrong kind of jewelry? sorry, feeling overly snarky today.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years 5 weeks
This is one of those cases where you just need to decide how important this is to you. Are you someone who needs your boyfriend to buy you jewelry in order to be happy? If so, then you should go looking for someone who is willing to fullfil that need of yours. If not, then you need to let it go. I mean, you need to totally drop it with him. It's going to suck for both if you if you spend the next x years nagging him about this and getting him to change something he's clearly not interested in changing. I'm not sure what this "means". If he's fabulous and loving and caring in other ways, then perhaps he's not the "dick" we are making him out to be. I think that the argument that if he really loved her, he'd give in to her and do whatever to make her happy can be reversed. Why shouldn't she drop it to make him happy?