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Saved 3/02/09 to Group Therapy

Group Therapy: I Don't Want a "Real" Job Anymore

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I've been out of college for four years. I have a bachelor's degree in marketing, and have been employed at a well-known advertising firm ever since I graduated. I have an amazing salary, great benefits, and a prestigious job title, but the problem is I'm not happy with what I'm doing. I feel this job is sucking the life out of me. I work approximately 50 hours a week, and I have no time to enjoy life itself. I very rarely have a chance to experience sunlight, and I spend the majority of my waking hours staring at a computer screen. I feel that I have landed in a career that is entirely unsuitable for me.

I am an extremely creative-minded person, and I'm happiest when I'm writing and singing. I play the guitar and spent the majority of my free time in college doing open mic nights and jamming with friends, and I've become increasingly nostalgic for those days. I spend my entire day in the office dreaming about playing music, but by the time I get home, I'm too exhausted to do it! Every night I end up laying on the couch watching bad television. I don't have a boyfriend, and I very rarely have the energy to go out with my friends. I feel like I've become a ball of depression. I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I'm going to do to climb out of this fog I'm in, and the only thing I can seem to come up with is leaving my job. The problem is, I don't want another office job. My parents paid for me to go to college for four years, so I don't think they're going to be supportive of me quitting to "find myself." Also, with the economy the way it is right now, I feel kind of guilty for wanting to leave my well-paying job. I also feel like I'll be looked upon negatively by my college friends who all have high-powered jobs and are currently working their way up the corporate ladder. Is my head in the clouds, or should I try to fulfill my dreams?

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girlandmusic girlandmusic
I felt the same way like you are 4 years ago. What I did: spent a whole year planning the whole thing, applied to a bunch of schools, got the scholarships and went back to college. Now, I'm on my third year of music school, and realized that so many things that I care about when I was "just working a job that didn't matter to me" such as a new car, new clothes, etc... have no importance at all. I sold everything and gave up on many comforts to go back to school, and I think it's all worth it, because despite the fact that I'm a 30 year old in college with no income, I realized that my passion is more important than all this "stuff" that our society says we have to have: "a good job", a "new car", money, etc... It's your life, don't waste your time and youth. Go to music school and follow your passions!
dikke kus dikke kus
I wonder what position you have in your department? Marketing is considered one of the most stressful jobs people can ever experience. Marketing is all about deadlines and until you experience it just once, you'll never know what it's like. When you work in one these firms they think the world turns because they met another fifty ridiculous deadlines. As an artist myself who has worked in marketing jobs for years I understand your feelings completely. I say live your dreams. But carefully. Treat that dream like a goal. Good options would be to tackle the problems at your current job first. Could you talk to your immediate supervisor? Could you request a laptop and work from home two days a week? Go part time? Could you take a demotion? Be very careful how you ask though. You should play your cards wisely if they brush off your request by finding a job that is more related to what you like, or finding a part time job first. The rest could then fall into place better than just leaving. I worked full time for many years and now I freelance. Its the best thing ever. I had to be careful though.....I found some accounts first and then quit. Now my work is more fulfilling, I have time at home and I'm my own boss. The stress is gone and I don't have anymore physical conditions related to all that stress. No more working at midnight on Christmas week. No more five paid holidays. Forget it. I say go for it, but plan things out. Write things down. Have a back up part time job or something along those lines.
Hey you people, you only live once in this world and life is too too short. I cant find reason why you have to keep a job that sucks the life out of you. I am a Certified Public Accountant and have been in the industry for 25 years. Im 48 and to me, anytime i will leave this sucking finance job and will join my alma mater in highschool to be their physical education trainer. I am a gym buff and body building is my passion. Leave your job honey and enjoy your passion, unless you are sure you will die tomorrow, it is never too late to change career. If you wana be a guitarist or waitress or something go go go..stress kills remember...highblood pressure, anxiety, sleepless night, waking up 4am dreading to work 9-5, stressful meetings, difficult bosses..etc..they all suck...goodluck honey baby..im for you.
Office jobs are stupid, unless you like being a worker drone.
Nusoul2 Nusoul2
Po Bronson's -What should I do with my life? Get it. Read it. Slowly. It's so much more than the title. Good luck.
tomatoshirt tomatoshirt
Wow Smurff you have balls!!! Congrats!!!! Can't wait to hear your story on Hollywood access =)
tomatoshirt tomatoshirt
I just went through, well still going through actually, what you are going through. I work in finance, good salary, long hours...and I have 2 hours door to door commute EACH WAY everyday... So i feel your pain. I live at a very isolated place so i have no one to go out if i want to. I wanted to move to the City but couldn't for various reasons. So i secretly hoping to get laid off and just relax for a bit and "find myself". guess what? I got laid off in Jan. It was cool the first week, i went visiting my friends who i havenot seen for a long time. hang out with my dog. help my parents with their busienss. sleep late, get up late. But then it got old really quickly. I still got two month of severance left (with a leaving bounus too) I was already fraustrated... So my suggestion to you is...find yourself now! be active. I now back in banking, but taking dance class (no matter how tire I am) after work. all you need is life and work balace. I always dreamed about working in marketing...Honey grass is always greener on the otherside. Be grateful especially when the economy is this bad....
megln1022 megln1022
o i just read your comment- congrats... now you can tell me how to apply for your old job ;)
megln1022 megln1022
if your job is nyc then give it to me- you go follow your dreams and i'll take your job, cause it sounds like my dream job!
karlotta karlotta
Congrats, Smurfle! Happy to hear it's working out! Yay!
Sugarblonde Sugarblonde
Well if you hate your job and want to get out, I say go for it. BUT before you make the jump I would make sure you have enough money for a good amount of time saved up, know what direction/path you want to go in (Do you want to waitress for the rest of your life?), be cognizant that you may not have a lot of shifts so you'll need that backup funds. I wouldn't burn bridges with the company too, in case you needed them in the future. Depending on where you live - there are still job opportunities available. I live in the DC Metro area and companies are still hiring all over the place, including restaurants.
emalove emalove
This post is 3 weeks old?! LOL! But anyway, I say go for it...I personally could never have a job where I sat at a desk all day and stared at a computer. It's just not for me. I need to feel like I'm making a difference and helping people. If you're interested in doing something creative, you should go for it while you're still young and have the time/opportunity to! I fully believe in following your heart and dreams--life is too short to do something that makes you miserable. Hopefully you have a little money saved to get you by while you figure out what to do from here. Good luck!
sunlandseagirl sunlandseagirl
Smurfle! My gosh you are amazing. Thank you for sharing your story. There are alot of us out there just like you itching to escape.... I'm in the exact same position. I have a good job that pays well with potential for promotion but I'm absolutely miserable. I know there must be more to life than logging 50 hours a week just so i can have a fancy apartment and lots of nice things. My parents tell me that I'm naive but your story has given me a bit of inspiration :) Keep us all updated on your new adventure and good luck with your music career.
lindssaurussss lindssaurussss
you sound like you need a vacation. i would ask work to take time off or at least cut your hours. while your break i would just try out what you want to see if its what you really want.
princess_eab princess_eab
Smurfle - how AWESOME!!!! it's great to know that things are going well - best of luck to you!!
smurfle smurfle
wow. way to resurrect this old post dearsugar!! hahaha. anyway, this was my post for those who don't know. apparently time flies, because it seems like i've lived a lifetime since i posted this over 3 weeks ago. here's a little update on my situation. i DID confide in my parents about my unrest at work, and despite my earlier fears, they were BEYOND supportive. i put in my two weeks at work about one week ago, and i already have a full-time waitressing gig lined up (my old landlord's brother owns the restaurant and got me the job). i will have health/dental insurance through the job, as well as a 401k. the restaurant is pretty high-end, so i don't anticipate money troubles. (one good night at work should have me set for my month's rent at the artist co-op). in more exciting news... the music has been coming along GREAT. i actually found a producer, and we already have one song completely finished for my demo. this was the first time i've ever done any recording in a real studio, so it's been an incredible experience. i have a few more songs that will be going on the demo, and we have sessions scheduled throughout the next month. i am lucky enough to have found a producer who believes in my music, and he is doing my demo free of charge. he has a lot of industry experience (he's a musician himself, and is already signed to a pretty well-known label). plus, he's also a session musician on my tracks, so it's a mutually-beneficial arrangement. i'm blown away by how well everything seems to be working out so far... and the main thing is I FEEL ALIVE AGAIN!!!!! i've been completely exhausted doing the music/corporate thing the past few weeks (i've literally been getting about 3 hours of sleep a night), but knowing that i'm on my way out of my job has kept me going... only a matter of days left. thank you SINCERELY to everyone who offered input on this posting... EVERY little bit of advice was genuinely weighed and appreciated. :D
WeTheLiving WeTheLiving
I agree with Lovely_1, talk to your employer first. Maybe you can do something more creative at the same company. Does your marketing company do commercials? Maybe you can get involved in the musical side- or if that's outsourced, become friends with the people who do that and tell them you're interested. As for your friends, don't worry about what they think. They may think it's crazy, but if they're your really friends they'll understand and support you. My friends and I are four years out of college too, and we've done all kinds of jobs unrelated to our degrees- we don't judge each other, we just support each other. As for quitting, I really can't recommend you do that in this economic climate (not that I blame you in the least for wanting to- I'm so sick of my office job too). Look for jobs that are more creative and maybe not in an office that you think would satisfy you, even if it means a pay cut, and apply. It's always better to have a job before you quit yours.
Smacks83 Smacks83
Bellasugar, I really like the bit of advice that says you should be running TOWARDS something, rather than AWAY from something. I think I may use that as a way to re-evaluate some stuff going on with me.
nylorac nylorac
i really think the relocation idea is a good one! i am in sort of the same situation where I find myself becoming more nostalgic as the days go by only because i feel unchallenged at work. i swear, my job is sucking the lifeblood out of me and i can't handle the snowy commute in the morning. i've thought about relocating somewhere warm just so i can leave my apt and not fear the retaliation of the winter tundra. however, if you're not looking to relocate, i would just focus on going out with my friends so that at least you're not sitting home alone on your couch watching tv (i am totally guilty of this at least 4/7 days). and at least you can afford stuff! that's what i tell myself. also whoever said the grass is greener on the other side totally has it right. being broke and prospect-less AND sitting on your couch everyday watching TV still sounds pretty bad too, right? good luck! whatever decision you make i'm sure will be the right one.
Myst Myst
To the OP, I'm going to keep it pretty short and simple. I'm also in marketing and completely understand how you feel. A few years ago, I thought about just letting it all go because I was tired of being on "ON" mode all the time and working 50 to 60hr weeks without having a social life. When my friend and fellow co-worker past in a car accident about 4 years ago, I realized that I needed to give myself some "Me" time. I love doing what I do, but I realized that I didn't want to be burned out from my job by the age of 30,so I now give myself about 3 hours a day to do what I love to do, be it exercising, dance class, piano class, whatever, just another outlet to let the creative energy to flow out. If you still want to ultimately leave your job slowly start transition yourself out. Take on less projects, delegate out more until you're ready to let it go.
POPSUGAR Beauty POPSUGAR Beauty
I think that it's good to pursue your passion, but maybe it's better to take baby steps toward doing so. It sounds like there's possibly some mild to moderate depression going on, too; maybe go to therapy or see a life coach to help get clarity on the work situation. (Having been depressed because of a job before, I can say that therapy helped me a LOT, and over time it helped me sort out how and when to leave that toxic job.) I hope that doesn't come off the wrong way. It's just that I've been in similar situations and I was definitely depressed. Therapy helped me talk through my issues and find motivation again. Also, see what you can do to create change without quitting your job. Can you set better limits at work? Can you figure out how to be more motivated in your personal life? For instance... instead of watching bad television after work, play music. Make yourself do it! Sell the TV if you have to. It sounds like there's a cycle of "I'm tired, I don't play music, I then feel guilty for not playing music, I go to work and am tired again." Break that cycle and you'll feel less "stuck." I bet if you make yourself play guitar a bit every night, your outlook will be a lot better. If you do decide to quit your job, make sure you have a plan and you have work lined up. I have two friends who quit their jobs about six months ago to pursue their passions, thinking they'd wait tables and freelance... both smart and well-accomplished, and yet they can't find work. Restaurant work is a no-go because restaurants aren't hiring, really. The people who do have resto gigs are seeing their hours cut because people can't afford to eat out as much. One of my friends is down to her last $3,000 (she quit with $15k saved) and is going to have to move home in two months. The other is constantly struggling to stitch together a few low-paying freelance gigs. They are both incredibly stressed out, and they're not "living the dream" as they thought they'd be. Personally, having quit my prestigious job a few years back, I'm glad I did — but there is no way I would do it in this recession. (Times were flush! I had freelance gigs lined up and spent six grueling months working 9-7p, then 8p-1am freelance before quitting.) If I were you, I'd make a six-month plan and re-assess my situation then. Maybe move to the artists' co-op or whatever, create some savings that way. See what it's like to live like that. Line up the kind of work you want to be doing. Don't do it all at once (like my friends did) because work is incredibly hard to find right now. And though it should go without saying, you do know how expensive health care is, right? (Here's a hint: My recent physical cost $900. And I'm *healthy.*) Be sure you have some "oh shizz" coverage just in case you get hit by a bus or whatever. Finally (sorry so long!) — I always think it's better to be moving toward a goal rather than running away from something you don't like. I don't think that quitting the job is going to solve all of the problems unless you have a plan and really know what you want to do instead. I also think that as more and more of my friends are laid off (seriously, it's like two every week since October) I am grateful to have a job. I'm sure you'll figure out what's right for you, but *personally* I would not quit my job right now. (Then again, I'm a macroeconomics nerd who's convinced we're about to head into Depression 2.0, so take that with a grain of salt.) Good luck!
tigrelis tigrelis
My BF was in the same situation, where he worked 60+ hours a week in consulting and wanted to come home and write music, but couldn't. It's not quite the same as some of the commenters are saying-- working 40-50 hours a week and then also having time to go to the gym or attend night classes is DIFFERENT. Sure, you can plug on away at the gym or at class after even a long day at work, but to be able to Write Music, or do ANYTHING creative is really difficult for the brain to adjust to after a day of monotony. Creative juices use a different part of the brain, and it's hard to switch on and off between the different areas. NOT the same as being able to work more or to do more after work... So if the OP really wants to pursue music, I would suggest finding either a grad program (more acceptable to the parents?) or at least a steady gig first (I applied my BF's music to a BMI workshop, and he auditioned and got in, left his job) so that you won't feel too stressed out once you quit about not having ANY source of income (or maybe your parents can even help you out a little, or I'm sure you must have savings). That's just my input on this 3 week old post :)
RunninginBoston RunninginBoston
Is this another "re-run" post? I notice some of the comments are from over 3 weeks ago!
sparklestar sparklestar
I am torn. I am currently training for a career that I have experience of dating back 10 yrs. You need the postgraduate qualifcation in order to practise. It's not an office job... not by far... but I will be tied into the same job for many years to come. They even ask you if you are prepared to work for the next 40 or 50 years in the same role? Did they ask you anything like that? Did you even question it? It's all very well saying "go with your heart" but I would honestly save up your amazing salary etc. and then break free when you have enough money to comfortably support yourself for at least 6 months. Leaving a SAFE job during a recession is a very silly idea and I really wouldn't recommend it. There is nothing wrong with going back to evening classes and learning a new career? What about speaking to your boss about getting flexi-time or working 4 days a week instead of 5?
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon
I could have written this post several years ago. :) OP, speaking from experience, I say follow your dreams. Make the choice that's right and good for you. Friends who judge you, and try to make you feel small, are not worth having anyways. They're not real friends, and don't really like you for you. As an analogy, your situation is similar to being on a first-class flight heading where you don't want to go. Get off the flight at the next leg! :) Personally, I had made that decision, and I'm much happier and content. Have faith in yourself. You know what's good and right for you. Good luck.