Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Calls Me Names When We Fight — How Do I Deal?
I understand that when people get upset they do irrational things. I believe though that when two people are close they argue to resolve the issue and to make the relationship stronger not to hurt each other's feelings in order to "win."
When my boyfriend and I get into a fight, I try to keep my cool and use phrases like, "When you do this, I feel..." or "Do you think you could meet halfway on this because..." but when he gets upset, he says things like, "I can't believe what you're doing, it's so nasty," or "Why do you have to be so cheap?" and "Oh my god, you're a nightmare, I wish I never met you."
Comments like that are obviously not constructive and all they do is hurt my feelings and make it harder for me to stay calm. After the fight is over and we're okay again, I can see that he doesn't mean what he's said, but it's still so hurtful. I've talked to him about this and while he apologizes profusely, he doesn't change — this happens every time we fight. What should I do?
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