I am so lazy, and I don't know what to do.
Well, I am new I just joined so I will tell you a bit about myself first. My name is Cristal, I'm 24, and I live in Clarksville, TN 15 mins away from Ft. Campbell Ky. I was in the army and served in operation iraqi freedom. I got out of the army almost 4 years ago. When I came home from Iraq in Jan '04, I weighed a hundred pounds and was in the best shape of my life. I'm 5'3, so that was a little skinny for me, but I could actually run a couple of miles without feeling like giving up if I wanted to. Fast forward a little over three years and now I weigh 185 lbs approx. I am so lazy and I have ABSOLUTELY NO MOTIVATION to get into shape. I really do not like how I am living, I eat all the time, I am always depressed and it is just this terrible cycle. I wake up, sometimes eat breakfast, go to work, eat lunch, come home eat another meal, have maybe 2 snacks, have a large dinner, have dessert and go to bed. Not to mention I smoke half a pack of cigarettes a day. I do have a gym membership, and this part I find disgusting. I have that membership and I tell my boyfriend that I go like maybe 3 times a week, and I haven't gone at all since I got it, like 2 months ago. I need to get out of this rut and I don't know how. I really don't want a pity party, but I am completely lost. I feel like I will never lose the weight and I will never be in shape and sexy like I used to be. My ideal weight is about 115-120, because I was happy when I was that weight, and I felt good about myself and actually wanted to have sex, that hasnt happened for about 2 months now. I am always cranky, never in a good mood. I feel like I am trapped. What should I do?