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Saved 10/22/07 to Group Therapy

I want a 50's style bedroom!

I really, really, want to have separate beds. My husband will not understand this, and thinks that I don't love him because I want to sleep in my own bed. Why do I want my own bed?

Well, I want to be able to get a good night's sleep and feel great in the morning. This doesn't happen when we share a bed because he kicks, bounces, and elbows me all night long. Sure, he's asleep at the time so I can't get mad at him for that, but why won't he understand that we should have separate beds?? I mean honestly, it's not good! I have tried to sleep in the same bed for all of our years together and it's just not something that I can adjust to.

I think a lot of it is that he is worride what his family or other people may say if they saw that we had separate beds, but I know that many couples do this. In fact, it's even a trend in newer homes to have separate sleeping rooms now in the master bedroom. What can I say to convince him? I have tried just about everything I can think of, and sure our bed room would be wall to wall beds, but at least we could get some sleep!

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QueenLizzy QueenLizzy 8 years 31 weeks
I'm going to assume that you already have a big bed, and since you said it's been years together, this is not something that you will adjust to. Some people just need room, especially if the other person is kicking and such. It's not unreasonable to want your own bed in that situation. You might want to just go and get one, and deal with the consequences. And, since it sounds like it's just about the way it could look, you can always tell him that he doesn't love you much and that he obviously loves appearances more than your actual needs. If that doesn't do it, suggest a trundle bed. I don't know if they make them queen or king sized, but it can't hurt to find out.
bugness bugness 8 years 31 weeks
You could always get a bigger bed, like pop suggested. And you could also throw in the idea of those special mattresses where you don't feel what the other person does. And by 50's style bedroom, you mean 50's TV style, right? :p because they never really had separate beds in the 50's, unless it was an arranged marriage lol. -Bug
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 8 years 31 weeks
I went from sleeping by myself for 25 years to sleeping in the same bed as my boyfriend. It was a HUGE adjustment. Women tend to be lighter sleeper so we feel and hear everything our partner does in the middle the night. We do have separate rooms (I need my personal space), but we do sleep together 99% of the time. Before you demand this sudden change, take turkiyaki’s advice. Talk to your husband and tell him how you are being effected each night you sleep. Maybe between the two of you, you can find a compromise. There is are a ton of beds on the market now that help reduce the amount of disturbed sleep and getting a larger bed such as a queen or king can give you both the space you need. It takes some time getting use to each other patterns, you just need to get used to it.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years 31 weeks
What if you splurge and get like a really nice gigantic bed?
turkiyaki turkiyaki 8 years 31 weeks
I'm sorry to hear about this, it sounds like a complex situation that's been discussed for a while, so here's my tentative suggestion. Maybe try to involve him. He needs to feel his ideas and feelings are being acknowledged Before you bring up the two-beds idea again, sit him down, let him know that it is affecting you, and you'd like a solution. Remind him that because you love him, you would like him to be a part of the solution to a problem that is affecting you and him too, and that it would mean a lot to you. Calmly and objectively mention how the lack of sleep has affected you, your mental and physical health, the way you interact with people. Then ask if he's noticed how the lack of sleep is affecting you. Ask him how he sees the problem and what he perceives as potential solutions. Don't bring up the two-beds idea. If the two-beds thing comes up again and he gets defensive, remind him that your love for him is not demonstrated by the number of beds. You love him regardless. It's about his dear wife getting finally getting a good nights sleep, and feeling healthier and happier. If he admits that he is afraid of what others might think, remind him again that you love him no matter what anyway, and that you just need sleep. Again, ask him what he thinks could be a solution that will result in you getting good, healthy sleep. My other suggestion is to get single beds, join them together in daytime and cover with a large king-size duvet to look like one bed, then separate them at night. Hope this helps, and hope you work something out.