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Confession Booth
1.4K Followers · 331 Items
Oh Brother!
0
Saved 10/27/10 to Confession Booth

I'm in love with a guy who only wants to be friends with benefits!!

33

I've been talking to a guy since July now, and neither of us is seeing anyone else, we hang out, laugh, have dinner, see movies, talk about feelings sometimes... But he insists that he wants to be alone, doesn't want the obligations of a relationship. But tells me not to walk out of his life. I'm so confused....

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Oh Brother! Uncomfortable for him or me??? Downsizing the BMs! Best Friends Brother Why not to get a imaginary boyfriend She got out of bed, put on her cute panties she knew I liked, and pulled her hair in a pony tail, how I liked... Why Does Your Life Revolve Around a Guy?
ls7286 ls7286
Move on from him! I'm in the same situation and my friend is also my roommate. Over the weekend, we ended up at the same night club and he spend the entire time in a corner with another woman and they ended up leaving together. It totally broke my heart! I have decided to move on and I had a talk with him that he will need to find somewhere else to live and the sex will have to stop. He has agreed to move find somewhere else to live by the end of this month. He doesn't want a relationship with me and it took what happened in the club for me to realize that I need to move on.
myrille myrille
all true! I have a similar relationship and just received great advice by reading these posts!
bored-and-in-need bored-and-in-need
hes gay or else he has another girl. dump him
laughableloves laughableloves
Right now he has set the precedent of how your friendship is going to work to cater to his needs and you've agreed to set aside your own for him. I completely agree with Natalie Love that there is no sense in propagating this myth that men that use women can be somehow nurtured into behaving like gentlemen through patience. He already knows how to treat a girl like a girlfriend and has basically told you that is not how he wants to treat you because he doesn't want to make the effort. Of course you're worth the effort and it's horrible that this guy is too immature (or wrong for you) to see that, but the sooner you get out of this situation the closer you'll be to finding someone that cares about your feelings. You'll feel a lot better about yourself if you cut him off and spend some time alone. There was an article in the satirical newspaper the Onion once with the headline "f*** buddy becomes f*** wife." It's a funny (or depressing, depending on your situation) headline because it never happens. Don't fool yourself into waiting around for someone that has told you he doesn't want to make an effort for you. That effort is more important than all the attractive qualities or personality in the world.
Smashboxchick Smashboxchick
Id say stay away from him. Why be with someone who only wants you for sex? Women need more than that. At least I do. If you're ok with a man only wanting to be with you because of sex, then I guess go with it. Just know he's probably never going to love you back.
Smashboxchick Smashboxchick
Id say stay away from him. Why be with someone who only wants you for sex? Women need more than that. At least I do. If you're ok with a man only wanting to be with you because of sex, then I guess go with it. Just know he's probably never going to love you back.
SeriouslyThough SeriouslyThough
Never settle for fwb. Most girls get attached through sex and think they can change his mind but that is a path to heartbreak that will be your own fault if you don't hear what he has at least had the decency to tell you. Hold out for a guy who is crazy about you and chases YOU! Never give sex too easy to a guy if you want a relationship, they only value what is hard to get and what isn't cheap and had by all. PC or not that is the truth if you want a husband.
mynxxxxx mynxxxxx
I'd say give him some time... but do try not getting too hung up on the dude.. Also try not to get physical (unless you're ok with having only a physical and non emotional equation with the guy. . if you feel you're falling deep and he still not responding the way you want in a month or two, give it up... You'll only get hurt
Aquadave Aquadave
Go out on a date with someone else. See how he reacts. If it just friends then he won't mind if you're looking for real love
Bubbles12 Bubbles12
He's being honest. Listen and run and don't turn back. Wait for someone who is totally into you and vice versa. It's worth it. I worked with a guy who is married to a woman like you. She finally 'won' him, but now they are both miserable. He broke up with her while they were dating, found a woman he really loved, got dumped by 'the love of his life' and he immediately went running back to the woman he knew would be a sure thing. When he proposed to her she kept asking "Are you sure? Are you sure?" and he convinced her with a lot of flowery words he hoped would become true and many he did mean that he loved her. But he told me what he wanted someone who would love him and thought he wasn't going to do better. Big mistake. He still misses 'the love of his life' and to this day is not attracted to his wife. He loves her like a sister because she is an amazing woman who is about the best hearted person he knows. He tells me she cries because she can't figure out why he is not sexually attracted to her and she is doing all these crazy things to get him interested. And he says divorce isn't an option because his family loves her. No one can just make those feelings happen, no matter how hard they try. I know it sounds odd but there may be a part of you that is more interested in chasing that having. If so, bail and get help. Everyone deserves more. Especially if kids become involved.
SB4Cy SB4Cy
Move On! You deserve a guy who wants you for more then that. Find a decent guy, this guy sounds like a tool!
cinadanni24 cinadanni24
I agree with atraditionalist, if you haven't done the biz dont! It's obvious that you want more, but once you give up the cookies hun, and it's good, youre going to want more. He's made his mind up that he doesn't want more, so to avoid heart ache dont give it up. Once that chic comes around that he's interested in... youre a thing of the past. If you guys are good friends, just be that!
ohhaiamberoo ohhaiamberoo
Just give him some time. He's probably really uneasy and unstable about relationships and friends and stuff. Talk to him about it if its that upsetting. He'll come around in time.
searching soul searching soul
Truthfully( and we've all been there) if a guy wants to be with you he will be with you. It does not matter if he was hurt, burned etc. Does'nt mean he does not like you but he is willing to risk the chance of losing you to someone who may come along and be more serious about you. It's tough, I know this guy likes you but I don't think he's crazy about you. He's willing and and able to let you go if you pressure him, are you willing to do the same? A guy that is really into you, no matter how hurt he was in the past-will do anything to lock you down. Maybe, and that's a big maybe he might come around but that will be due more so to your persistence rather than his his feelings for you. The question is, do you want to end up settling? Also do you trust he won't leave you when someone he is truly crazy about, comes along?
MrsDiamond MrsDiamond
If I were you I would leave him be. I was in the same situation I just left him alone he wasn't ready for a relationship and at the same-time he wanted me to be in his life but I told him hey I don't enjoy getting my feelings played with. if you want to play go play... I left him alone a month later he wanted me back, hes ready to marry me now.
There are two ways to look at this. 1)If you're having fun and ok that he doesn't want you long term, then enjoy yourself. 2)If you have feelings for him, get out! You will get hurt. Find someone who wants what you want :)
redjupe44 redjupe44
I'm also in this situation right now, and it is also been going off and on for like 8 months now. We've agreed twice not to hook up, but then we keep doing it a month or so after we agree not to. Just do what makes you happy, yes in the long run it might hurt that he doesn't want a relationship, but if you're having fun being with him and you don't want to see anyone else, then just enjoy it. I think its hard, but sometimes its best not to analyze things. The people that tell you to drop him are looking out for you in the long run, which I can understand, but do what you want to do.
while i understand where most of these commenters are coming from, i definitely can see why she's hesitant to call it off. i've been in a very similar situation for 8 months now, though the guy hasn't spoken of aversion to relationships (just acted as though he is). and sometimes, the guy might just be shy, it might take him that long to open up to the idea of a relationship. in the mean time, why not take the sex and being together for what it is (after all, she's clearly getting something out of this too- whether it be from hooking up or just from his presence) and let the future happen if it will, or hold on to it until something better comes along.
lickety split lickety split
Why is it a waste of time just because he doesn't want a commitment? So what? Most relationships don't last forever. At least this guys being honest. If you're having fun what's the harm. And if he's "using" her for sex, guess what: she's using him for the same thing.
Natalie Love Natalie Love
I'm tired of everyone acting like every guy who just wants to hook up is some traumatized poor soul a woman must let step all over her, and be by his side while he bluntly states he wants no relationship with her. Have some self respect and let this one go. If he loved and respected you, he should have made it shown.
If you were an outsider, this is all just common sense. Because feelings get in the way, you want to convince yourself otherwise. So... pretend your friend was in your shoe, and she comes to you for advice, what would you think?
I agree with the others who say he's using you. Plus... do you really want a guy who's lukewarm about you then finally gives in and try to have a relationship, or do you want someone who's equally into you and won't want to risk the chance of loosing you and let someone else get there first? Just be his friend.
atraditionalist atraditionalist
ok wait - from your post it sounds as if you haven't hooked up at all but the title of the post suggests you have. So here's my advice for both scenarios: If you haven't hooked up yet: DON'T. You can continue to be his friend and be friendly and pleasant but do not give him something that he wants if he has expressly told you he is not going to give you something that you want - it will lead to heartbreak. If it's too hard to be his friend because of your feelings for him then separate yourself from him. but do not hook up with him when he has told you he is not interested in dating you and you are interested in dating him. If you have hooked up: stop. move on. tell him you are not comfortable with hooking up anymore. if you want to be friends with him be friends. if you want to continue hooking up with him continue hooking up. but do not expect him to change his position and what he has already told you just because you're hooking up and you have feelings for him. Anyways, i know it's easier said than done but try not to get too hung up on this guy!
jazzytummy jazzytummy
Agree with the above. You're being used. Bail.
TheEnchantedOne TheEnchantedOne
This guy wants to have his cake, eat it too, but refuses to pay for it! Okay that's lame. But you get what I mean. Sorry to say dear, he's just not that into you. Drop him. You deserve someone who really wants to be with you. Someone who wants you in their life for sure. Not a pastime. I hope you find the strength to move on.