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Rose Iphone 5 Case
Saved 1/21/13 to Group Therapy

Moving On...But It Hurts!!

Me and my ex recently broke up like a month ago. I am just so disgusted by his behavior towards me lately. I never in my life seen someone play victim as much as he does. He has done more wrong to me the entire 3 years put altogether than I've done to him. He's the type of guy who doesnt like to see anyone else happy and doing them. He sabatoges himself, others and even our relationship. I'm not saint, I know what I've done wrong in this relationship. I just cant seem to process the fact that I was there for him when nobody was even when he treated me like shit. Making me feel bad and abusing me. He has apologized numerous times but at this point his apologies mean nothing to me. His actions lately have showed me all I needed to know. Immediately after we broke up he started talking to another woman like less lt like less than a week later. How much did I mean to him if he did that to me? In the weeks that unfolded after that happened I was very hurt and felt like he was doing it on purpose. I wasnt jealous, because Im not a jealous female. So that didnt work. He didnt seem remorseful or sorry. When I told him how I felt about it of course he justified it as he always does. He is a narcisstic & controlling person. I have been trying to contact him but he blocked my numbers like IM the one who hurt him!! I cant believe he is being so immature towards me. I would never do that to anyone. I feel so betrayed. He cares about nobody but himself, and Im very mad at myself that I stayed with such an uncaring person for 3 years. I wasted my time & energy into him. It was never about me in the first place because he never did anything for me. I did everything to keep the relationship going; financially, sexually, emotionally EVERYTHING. He promised so much to me and still hasnt done SHIT!! I sacrificed so much of myself for him, to the point where I had no time for myself and was neglecting everything around me including my health. I've never been this hurt in my life by anyone, nor will I ever let someone hurt me this bad again. I will never fall in love with someone who intentions arent good. The red flags were dangling in front of my face the whole time and I ignored everything. Here is a guy who is walking around as if nothing happened. Like we werent together for 3 years. Like I was and will be the best woman he'll ever meet, his history shows that he falls for women who are as worthless as he is, and he likes to use people, not just women, he takes advantage of his friends & family too. Karma is a bitch, I never done anything disloyal to him and I never cheated. There is no way God is going to let him get away with all the hell he put me through. My heart was in the right place. He took for granted a nice christian woman, who does no wrong to anyone. I truly believe I am the nicest woman or person he's ever ran across. The women in his family arent nice either, so I can see where he was taught to treat women badly. I think he is bipolar. I never met anyone in my life that does as much evil things he does to people. I cant even believe I loved him. I see a pattern with everything he does. You cant replace someone who sacrificed their own happiness for yours and put you before everything and everyone. I helped him out and defended him when I never shouldve. He claims he will always have my back but his actions dont show that. He used me for everything I had for his own personal gain. Like I said he is a narcisstic person. This relationship was never about me and I really see it now. Anytime I would cry or tell him how Im feeling he would be mean to me like Im not supposed to have feelings. He would hang up on me or ignore me just as he's doing now. He doesnt respect me. I tried telling him how I felt about the breakup and the horrible things he did to me. He cant take the truth. Now he's avoiding me because of that. Is he feeling guilty or does he not care? Will he ever realize all the wrong he did to me? I hope so but I dont think he will. He has hurt me to badly. I dont forgive him. What is he ignoring me for? I did nothing to him. Im the abused one here not him!! Running away isnt making it better for anyone. Answer the phone and talk to me like an ADULT instead of ignoring me like a CHILD. He would then turn it onto himself because he is a self-absorbed person. I was so loyal to him and he did me wrong so many times. He took my kindness for weakness. He blames everything that happens to him on everyone else. He doesnt take responsibility for nothing he has done to me, because he aplogizes and then does something else to hurt me. He abused me for so long and I dont think he even cares the full extent to how Im suffering now, while he's at the club, ignoring my calls and talking to other women. The emotional & psychological scars are so deep. I think I need counseling. Im having a hard time coping with this. I believe all this drama and abuse has caused me to become depressed, angry, insecure, confused and every sad. I cant believe someone was ok with abusing a nice person like me. I feel like that was his intentions from day 1, to play me. I dont feel the same about myself anymore. I want my confidence back and social life. I want to be happy again. He stole everything away from me because he was a very miserable & insecure person. Misery loves company, and he sure loved all of my company.

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henna-red henna-red 3 years 17 weeks
The ladies are right on, but I have a couple of additional things to say, and you aren't going to like them. If you want to get past this, over this, and have some shot at a happy, healthy relationship, then you have to stop putting all of the blame on him, and start looking at your own culpability. You stayed. You accepted. You sacrificed. For a man who treated you like shit, and abused you. YOU stayed. YOU made the choice to stay with him and give to him for THREE good years, and now you think he owes you something for your sacrifice and dedication. You think he owes you something for being a good woman and always being there for him. You think there is some kind of reward for staying and sacrificing and supporting this man. The only reward you ever get for sacrificing to and supporting an abuser is....MORE ABUSE. That's it. That's all there is. There is no recognition that you are a good christian woman. There is no thankyou, there is no "you're the best woman I've ever met or will ever meet." And you constantly calling him and trying to get him to speak to you and let you rant at him is your attempt to keep him. It's your attempt to keep him. Stop telling us you've accepted that he's an abusive asshole who doesn't deserve you, because your actions, and your CHOICES to keep trying to talk to him, tell us otherwise. If you could keep him, you would. That's what your behavior says to me, and to him. And he's eating it up. He's enjoying it. He loves it that he can chat up someone else while you struggle to get him to talk to you. HE loves it! You are playing right into his abuse and manipulation. He will, eventually, contact you and he will, eventually, let you come back to him. Because that will also feed his ego, his narcissim, his manipulative abusive bullshit. Count on it. If you want to have a better life, and a better relationship with a worth while man, then you have to stop all of that, and stop blaming HIM for the choices that YOU have made. And you have to make some new choices. And neither of those things are easy. Especially not while you are hurt, and angry and damaged from this relationship. While you are feeling those things, they are the hardest things you can do, and they are the most necessary things to do. The other, absolutely necessary thing for you to do, is to forgive YOURSELF for making the choice to be with this abusive asshole. You have to recognize that it was a mistake, a mistake that a whole lot of people make, and forgive YOURSELF. You need to understand that you aren't getting anything from him, but what he has always given you. You need to understand that you won't get those three years back. But you also need to understand that you now have an opportunity to move on with your life without this guy in it. You don't have to have abuse in your life. YOU can CHOOSE to not have abuse in your life. Oh, darlin', I'm so sorry that you're feeling so mad, so pissed off, and so hurt. It's not your fault that he is who he is. It's not your fault that he treated you badly. It's also not his fault that you chose to stay and allow him to do it. That responsibility belongs to you. The absolute great thing is, that you can choose not to stay, not to keep trying to contact him, not to repeat the choices of the last three years. YOU can choose something else, and you can make that choice now, by leaving him alone, by taking him completely out of your life, and by not allowing him to ever again be in contact verbally, or physically with you. Emotionally is going to take some time. After three years together, getting someone out of your life emotionally takes some time, and whole lot of hard work. Bubbles is so right about seeking some help for yourself. Healing emotionally from this kind of relationship, and this kind of guy really takes some support, and an objective viewpoint from people around you who love you, or from a professional counselor or therapist. You say you're a good christian woman, so perhaps there is a counselor within your church who could also help support you in your healing. You're angry now. And it's normal and understandable for you to be ragingly angry now. But understand, if you work to hold onto that anger for him, the only person who will be hurt by that anger is you. YOU. You will be hurt by hanging onto that anger. You're ranting here....that's great! This is a safe place to rant. Rant to your friends, to a counselor, to a therapist, to your family, to your pastor. But don't rant at him! Don't try to make him hear you, he never will, and he'll never care. Never. So trying to make him hear you, and feel how angry you are, is only going to hurt you. Stop doing that. Please, darlin', stop doing that. And start accepting responsibility for your choices, and for your own life and love. That is the only, true freedom we all accept responsibility for our own choices. We can't control what other people do, or everything that happens to us that we have to deal with. But we DO have control over how we react, and over our actions and our choices. And that means we don't have to accept abusive people into our lives. And we don't have to continue to make a choice that is damaging...we can choose something else. We can choose ourselves. That's what you need to do....choose yourself. Choose you. Choose to block him. Choose to look for support and help with your hurt, and your anger. Choose to understand there is no reward coming from him, no recognition coming from him. Choose to understand you have a chance to start over, with healing, and with forgiving yourself. Choose to accept responsibility for your own choices, your own life and what happens in it. Choose you. Good luck to you darlin', and take good care.
missmaryb missmaryb 3 years 17 weeks
I'm sorry he put you through the wringer like that, no one deserves to be treated like a second class citizen. Now that you see how he is, and you don't intend to get back together with him, I would stop trying to contact him. What will you gain from continuing to be in touch? I don't think you'll ever get closure or a heartfelt apology from this guy. People like him never think they've done wrong. You will have to give it your own closure. I agree that you should seek therapy if you can, as this has done a number on your self esteem. If you can't, read books and surf the net looking for good advice and people who have been in your shoes. Hopefully you have some loyal friends and family to see you through and listen to you as you grieve and come to terms with things. It will take time, but you can get over him. We've all been stomped and had to pick ourselves back up, and eventually, we all do it. Just be careful not to seek out more men who will just repeat your bad relationship over and over. Good luck.
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 3 years 17 weeks
Ugh I'm so sorry, of course you're in pain. I was involved with a guy like that, it was damaging for sure. Do go in for therapy. Check this link out, see if it fits. They're out there. Next time you'll know better and stay away or lose him a lot faster. But go to therapy to make sure you don't have some attachment to people like this. But it could happen to anyone. Best to you!