My Forbidden Love Story

Okay, it's about time I told you all my story. I posted this before but I put it under group therapy so there was no way of you knowing it was me. So...

I'm in love with my second cousin. Or, at least, I used to be. I don' think I am anymore which is sort of a relief. He was just always so sweet. And he told me he loved me which I never hear from anyone else in my family. And I felt safe with him which is odd because I usually have my guard up all the time and never relax. And he always knows how to make me laugh and how to make me feel better when I'm upset.

I used to think that there was a chance for us to be together. Just because of some moments we would have. I don't know. Everybody on team sugar who's read my story said that they think I was just sort of desperate to have someone love me and since my second cousin said he loved me I developed the wrong kind of feelings for him. I realize now that that was true and I think if my fellow sugars hadn't helped me realize this I would still be tortured because I thought I loved him.

I think what also helped me get over my cousin was recently I've gotten very close to his girlfriend of four an a half years. She's really nice and she lets me talk to her when I'm feeling upset. Despite my being bisexual I have no attraction to my cousin's girlfriend but when I realized I was receiving the same love and affection from her as from my cousin I reasoned that I must have read my feelings wrong.

The longing for someone to love me. That's what caused my awkward feelings toward my cousin. But now I realize I don't feel that way towards him, not really.

What worries me is that when I'm being completely honest with myself I have to admit that I wouldn't have a single problem if my cousin and I some how ended up together. I might even be pleased. I guess I'm still yearning for a bit more love.

To all of the sugars who have already read this and given me advice I thank you. Thanks to your advice I'm getting through this.

GregS GregS 6 years 12 weeks
I was in a relationship with a first cousin for quite a while when I was young. That's too close. Second cousin not so much. Still, it's family and one has to consider what happens when things don't go right. At some point, they won't. Things can get very ugly very quickly. It sounds as though the relationship you wanted has evaporated, however. This is probably for the best. Keep your cousin and his g/f as friends and consider yourself the richer for it.
DrDishevel DrDishevel 6 years 21 weeks
Oh I loved the story, anyone have a tissue. I thought I was going to vomit a couple of times but was able to push it on down into my stomach. I just get so emotional. Good lick my friends. Come see me sometime.
sham28 sham28 6 years 49 weeks
Oh my gosh there are SO many capable, brilliant therapists out there... It's all about referrals from people and doing some research. It's always good when you feel conflicted about someone, or don't really understand you feelings to take a step back and ask yourself questions. Why do I think I love this person? What do I love about them? What are non- negotiable qualities that I want out of my relationships? What kind of attraction do I feel the most? ------------------------------------------------- I guess I'm still yearning for a bit more love. And he told me he loved me which I never hear from anyone else in my family. And I felt safe with him Looks like you're answering many of your own questions, and while you seem to acknowledge that these are valid points, maybe you don't want to accept them. Good luck working everything out sweetie. :)
School247 School247 7 years 35 weeks
Ok, so I just read one of your comments and you say that the pros dont know what their doing.... you havent found the right one to help you or who evr you were talking to was hitting some senstive parts of your life and you got scard. And wow, 15 years old. Yeah, you and the other miilions of 15 year old need to talk to someone. You really dont know what the next few years hold and besides your hormones are out of control!!
School247 School247 7 years 35 weeks
You seem to really be doubting yourself. You say you dont have feelings for him but then say, "Well, not really" We all doubt ourselves but maybe a little help wouldnt hurt. its good for eveybody and you will really learn about yourself
prplegem21 prplegem21 8 years 39 weeks
just want you 2 kno that it were strong enuff to share your situation you are taking the first step to getting yourself situated ...congrats to the cutting situation and you stopping ..good job .. you are really reaching out to those who are afraid to speak about their ordeal..... have a good one
likenicole11 likenicole11 8 years 48 weeks
I totally had a crush on my cousin once so I know how you feel. I would think we had a chance too and I thought he felt the same way about me. It was so messed up but I loved the way I felt when I was around him. Like we'd watch movies together and we would like touch our feet together. It's weird that I remember that. Now I think he's gay, haha. I'm completely over him, thank god. I hope everything works out for you.
shadafacup shadafacup 8 years 49 weeks
IT seems like you know that you just needed someone to be there and to relate to since you dont seem to be close to anyone else in your family or out of your family ( you didnt mention that) Your cousin cares about you and wnats the best for you and thats just family being there for each other love maybe but not more than as a cousin..maybe you should start talking to someone whos not a family member and gain a close relationship and you will feel the same type of love or similar and see that you just needed a close person to be there.
Jacattack Jacattack 8 years 50 weeks
thanks for the stiry
My-Opinion My-Opinion 8 years 51 weeks
I have to be honest, after reading 'I'm in love with my second cousin', I didn't read anymore. Hopefully you'll come to your sences!!! There are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many men in this world who aren't related to you! Good luck on that!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years 51 weeks
I'm glad you have stopped, and I'm glad you have people in your life that you can turn to when you need help. I think you are the type of person that life will keep getting better and better for, as you get older.
apotter777 apotter777 8 years 51 weeks
No, I'm not in counseling. I don't like counselors or therapists. Most of them have no idea what they're talking about and the few that do make me feel like they're staring at me naked. Like they know everything about me. It's creepy. I get A's in school but I think I'm more wise than smart because of everything I've been through. I'm turning fifteen this summer. Yes, I'm going into high school next year. I have to take the whole cutting thing off my profile. I recently stopped that. Actually it's thanks to my cousin that I've spoken about in the blog above and his girlfriend that I've stopped. They told me that anytime I feel upset I could call one of them. It really helped. I haven't done anything like that in a couple months now. The scars are fading which is scaring the hell out of me but I guess I'm getting better. Ash Fantasy is simply a better reality.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years 51 weeks
I just read a couple posts of yours and then read your profile. Are you in counseling? You sound like you might need some. I'm not trying to be mean, but you seem a little lost. And being lost is okay, but it was the cutting thing that caught my attention. You seem young but I can't tell how old you are. You are probably pretty smart too, probably smarter than the people around you? And maybe in high school? I'm just guessing a lot of things obviously. But if I'm right, life will be better in a few years. But please be kind to yourself.