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Saved 5/05/08 to Group Therapy

My boyfriend didn't get me a birthday present!


OK my boyfriend and I have only been together for 2 1/2 months but we have been pretty much inseperable since we've met except when we are at work. Our relationship has evolved going 100 miles an hour but we both think it feels so right and truly believe we will spend the rest of our lives together. We have already talked about marriage, children, and our futures. My birthday was last week and the first "celebration" type thing that has come up since we've been together and he didn't get me a present. He works out of town a couple nights a week and was supposed to be out of town on my birthday night. He showed up to the restaurant where I was with my parents, grandparents, and aunt and uncle. I was so shocked and so surprised, that seriously was enough and such a great present in itself but I am still kind of shocked he didn't get me anything. He had been working out of town and told me he felt bad he didn't get me anything but since then he has been back in town and had time to get me something and hasn't. I hate sounding like a spoiled brat but I would be so excited to get him something for his birthday. I don't think I could or would ever say anything, but when the time comes around I want him to be as excited about giving me a present as I will be when it is here for him. Just wondering everyone's thought on this matter. ~~~Confused Casey

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mzbrini mzbrini 5 years 21 weeks
I don't think you re being childish for expecting something, but at the same time you must take into consideration the type of person he is. My boyfriend is one in the same. He tries hard to please me but he doesn't always exactly know how. I have to teach him everything. His birthday was in February. I invited his friends over for game night and, at midnight exactly, shut all of the electricity off and surprised him with a cake that cost me $20.00. His present, I had reserved for about a month, it was a game for his x box 360 that came out on his birthday that he was dying to have. The game cost me $60.00. Then the day of his birthday treated him like a king. I gave him numerous back rubs, served him breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and any other thing he wanted. Then on Friday of his birthday I took him to an hibachi which ran me about $85 for the two of us. After spending all of my time making his birthday week the greatest, I feel that he should kind of see what I expect on my birthday. Well, today is my birthday, and not only does he not have a present for me, he keeps letting me know it, and he keeps talking to me about where to go get it. I feel like if you are doing this the day of my birthday it wasn't a priority to you and I'm starting to feel unappreciated. I woke up this morning and what do I get? Ignored because he is playing his DS. I'm trying hard not to flip out because he is trying, but like your boyfriend I think he just doesn;t know how. I'm basically talking him through it this time so maybe he'll be better prepared next time. So that's my advice. Tell him how you feel so he knows what to expect the next time. Good Luck!!!!!!
Janine22 Janine22 6 years 17 weeks
I don't think this is such a big deal because you guys haven't been together for very long. Guys just don't have the same attitude about these things that girls do, they can be a little clueless (one of the many reasons why men need women in their lives!). I would let it go. He probably thought the surprise was enough on its own. Now, if this happened 6 months into the relationship, then it would be a big deal...Next big occasion, he should be getting you something cool to make up for it.
Sydney-C Sydney-C 6 years 17 weeks
Aside from the birthday gift, or lack thereof, I think you guys need to sloooow things down, big time. My mom has what is called her "two year rule". Pretty self explanatory, I think. But then again, I'm probably just old and bitter, just like Luisa :smile:
caseyjay430 caseyjay430 6 years 19 weeks
No Luisa I didn't thank you because you seem very close minded! Everyone else was open minded and didn't come across negative at all. And don't worry Luisa I will keep you posted.
thorswitch thorswitch 6 years 20 weeks
When your friends ask what he got you for your birthday, tell them that he got you himself at your family birthday dinner. You said that he was supposed to be out of town that night, which means either (a) he managed to get off work so he could come to see you, which is a really big deal, or (b) he arranged with your family to make you think he was going to be at work so that he could then *surprise* you by showing up for your dinner, which is a really nice thing. Either way, you got to spend time with him on a day you weren't expecting to, you know he's not at all afraid of meeting or being around your family and that you are important enough to him for him to either take time off work or to try and arrange a surprise for you. What kind of a physical, material gift could be better than that? It always bothers me when people feel like they have to get something "material" for every mandatory gift -giving occasion - in large part because it bothers me that we *have* mandatory gift-giving occasions. I believe that gifts should be freely given and thankfully received, not expected or demanded. If he wants to give you a material item, that's cool, but if he wants to give you something you just can't buy, like arranging to have unexpected, extra time with you just because its your birthday, then shouldn't that be just as cool?
Fallen85 Fallen85 6 years 20 weeks
Luisa's advice keeps getting more and more depressing and bitter lately. It went from "Give it a chance but he's probably a dog" to "He's definitely a dog, dump him you're better off alone, men are all pigs and they all lie and cheat" Sounds like Luisa needs to talk. Whats up, girl? "Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"
citizenkane citizenkane 6 years 20 weeks
Luisa - I think you are a very unhappy person. All of your advice is cynical and depressing. I agree with Fallen's comment. Give it a little more time and see if the relationship continues to grow. I'd let it go....
luisamapacha luisamapacha 6 years 20 weeks
Yeah sure, you don't thank me for telling the truth! Keep us posted on what happens . . .bet I'm right.
caseyjay430 caseyjay430 6 years 20 weeks
thanks for the advice, it honestly didn't bother me until friends kept asking me so what did he get you for your birthday and I had to say "oh well nothing, yada yada he was at work" I seriously don't care and appreciate that he surprised me and just wanted to be with me when he had slept not an hour while he was away at work. Thanks for all your advice, especially Ava, Fallen, and Kimba!!!
7kimba7 7kimba7 6 years 20 weeks
You have only been together a couple months, and he showed up at the restaurant where you were eating with your family. and since your birthday has now passed, I doubt he considered retroactively getting you a gift. I think you should be so happy that he showed up at the restaurant.. that's a way better gesture than him getting you some earrings. :)
Fallen85 Fallen85 6 years 20 weeks
Its only been 2 1/2 months... chill out and grow up. He skipped work or whatever to be with you on your birthday, thats good enough for now. If he doesnt get you something for your 6mths or for xmas or valentines day then be upset but after only 2 1/2 months on your birthday and he shows up for dinner... let it go. "Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"
AVA-MARiE AVA-MARiE 6 years 20 weeks
No offensive here, but you sound quite young. You are putting too much importance on a birthday present, but not what he actually did for you that was very nice of him. If him showing up to the restaurant you were at was a great present in itself, asking for another one isn't the way to show it. Birthday's for a lot of people are not important, or an occasion where other people feel the need to give gifts or receive them. After all, it's just a birthday. Instead of waiting around for a material gift from your boyfriend, why not suggest something else? Suggest a dinner for just the two of you, so you can celebrate your birthday in a different way -- you get to celebrate a year older with the person you adore, and TELL him that's the way you feel. Make a date out of it. Plan it ahead of time. You may get the material present from your man, but if you don't, I bet you will be surprised at what a great gift something like a date night and celebration can be.
luisamapacha luisamapacha 6 years 20 weeks
Ooh, huge red flag here! There is absolutely no excuse for him not getting you anything. No matter how busy or broke he might be, he could have grabbed a napkin at the restaurant and written a silly poem on it, or turned it into a paper rose. He could have sung you a song. He could have gone to the $1 store for a plastic daisy, or picked flowers from a planter outside . . .anything, anything at all to show his affection. But no. He didn't. And even after promising a gift after the fact, he hasn't given you anything. I'm sorry, but I think your relationship has hit a breaking point. Guys tend to do this - get crazy "in love" for 2 - 3 months, then panic and bail. That's why we women have to pace the relationship ourselves. You can't be available all the time and you can't let things go "100 miles an hour." Chalk this up to a lesson learned. I know it sucks, but that's life.