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Saved 12/01/12 to Group Therapy

Should I try online dating again?


I joined sites like OkCupid and POF this year and it was disastrous to say the least. I was going on dates maybe 2 to 3 times a week (which in a span of 4 months is a lot) and I can confidently say that only 2 or 3 of all of the guys I met had any sort of potential , BUT of course as per my luck they weren’t looking for the same thing I was.
I am not half as picky as it might sound from the amount of dating done/men potential ratio. I believe a lot of those dates where under the false impression that they were going to get something from me after inviting me for dinner. I also do believe that making it a free dating site makes it hard to differentiate those who are looking for something serious vs those who want to pretend they are looking for something serious.
So I decided that this time around I was going to join match.com – I feel like it is less of a messy clutter of serial daters and more of people that are looking to taking dating seriously (find relationship potential).
As I was browsing through the current subscribers - that part is free btw so do peek if you’d like to ;) - I notices a few potential candidates, and within them there were a couple I actually saw and went on dates from POF and OkCupid. I think they are hoping the same thing I do (more legitimacy/seriousness for top dollar) but I almost cringe at my own embarrassment. It was odd. Not that I would even try going on dates with these guys again but the fact that they were in many different sites kinda made me feel sorry for them, which is something that I most definitely do not want to feel for myself once I joined online dating world again.
Besides one of those guys I kinda hurt pretty bad since during the mist of my serial dating confusion I led him on and then shut him down (I’m not such a terrible person and I do feel bad for the way I behaved but the situation freaked me out).
Anyway this whole thing got me thinking that maybe online dating might not be my best alternative after all, but I really have had no luck in the real world. So, should I give it another try with a different site or just let go?

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Bubbles12 Bubbles12 1 year 41 weeks
I met my husband through Match a long time ago. I probably went on over 100 first and only dates over about four years. I'd get sick of it and stop for awhile too. I was truly attracted to only two guys that whole time. Dating online is a numbers game so it will take a lot of looking. What I learned: be very picky and don't be afraid to state what you want. You'll get fewer responses, that's good. Be very specific about what you're looking for and what your value system is and who you are. It saves a lot of time. Don't write a bunch of emails to talk on the phone for a month, meet asap. My limit was two emails back and forth and decide if it was interesting, then set a coffee date. You can have great chemistry in an email and ZERO in real life. Be positive on the profile and only respond to positive people. No dinner or bar dates, that sends the wrong message. Coffee only. Don't correspond with people who live too far away have dinner with you after work -- too easy for people further away to hide their real lives and it takes time and lots of real life interaction to get who someone really is. And what Henna & Mimi said!
mimi2012 mimi2012 1 year 41 weeks
i think meeting 2-3 guys a week is too many! do you screen these guys before you meet them? are you meeting guys with your necessary credentials and are you portraying yourself honestly? i think you should try to meet a guy a week and send those other 1-2 nights doing things where you might meet someone in the naturally like going out with friends, take up a new sport / activity.
henna-red henna-red 1 year 41 weeks
I think you have a conflict, emotionaly. You seem to think that a guy is pathetic if he is registered on more than one dating site, (I don't really know why that is, it just makes some sense to me that someone who is actively looking to date will use more than one resource). And I think that you are extending that judgement to yourself....ie...."aren't I pathetic if I have to look for a guy online?" The world has changed. There is an enormous amount of social activity happening on the internet, and that certainly includes finding potential partners. But for every new experience there is a learning curve. And online dating sites are no exception. It seems very easy to lose your sense of common courtesy, and discretion when you're dealing with online activities. It sounds to me as though, with your previous dating experience through a site, that lack has also come through. No matter where or how we meet someone, we owe them the courtesy of treating them the way we want to be treated. Dating etiquette is still in effect, when we meet people from the net. And we all make goofs with dating etiquette from time to time. I understand that you are feeling embarassed because you treated someone poorly, and now you are faced with the prospect of his seeing your profile come up again, in this other site. It's the same kind of situation that people face when they date someone from within a circle of friends, and it doesn't work out. And then they're faced with the embarrassment of seeing that person again socially. It's awkward. Personaly, I would say, face the potential awkwardness. And learn the curve. Always treat someone you see with the same consideration that you want to be treated with. And forgive yourself for messing up....we all do it. And if you haven't and need to, apologize to the person you led on. There's a pretty good percentage of people, these days, meeting partners on the internet. And if you really don't want to go that route, then you're going to have do something about reviving those more real time opportunities for meeting and greeting the opposite sex. We always say we don't have time.....but time, and opportunity are something we make when something is important. Basically, when something in your life isn't working for you, change it. Change the way you approach the situation, or change the situation entirely. It's up to you. You only get out of something whatever you put into it. good luck , and don't feel like there's something wrong with you, or that you're less of something because you're looking to meet someone from online. The great value of the net is that expands horizons.