What Am I Supposed To Do?
Me and my boyfriend have been broken up for a few weeks now. A little time has passed and I dont feel as angry and hurt as I did a few weeks ago. I am still hurt and confused. At this point I dont know what I want to do or what Im supposed to do. I dont know whether to remain friends with him and keep in contact. I feel like in his mind he believes everything is back to normal and Im not supposed to be hurt like nothing happened. He is the one who broke up with me. He told me he already is talking to someone else after he lied and said he wasnt worried about any other women, and that he wanted to focus on himself. That alone makes me feel like he didnt care about me in the first place if you automatically go talking to someone else that quickly. He has made no efforts to make our relationship work. I've done it on my own. He doesnt work for anything. He oversteps my boundaries all the time and goes against my feelings which is emotional abuse. He wants to be my friend and keep contact with me more than I actually want to. I dont mind being friends with him, but Im still very disgusted and angry with him over the stupid decisions he has made. He thought was making the best decision for the both of us. He doesnt make good decisions ever, and when he does they only make sense in his own delusional mind. lol He thinks by telling me these things that he is "keeping it real" with me, but little does he know its actually doing more harm than good. I dont know how I feel about him anymore. He doesnt understand the full extent of how badly he hurt me. He is narcissistic person who doesnt care if he hurts others, and when he does apologize he does it again. I feel like he has no remorse.
We were together for 3 years. Feelings like this dont go away that quickly, although I am trying to make them go away because Im tired of the pain. I've felt alone even before we got out of a relationship. I've felt like I was in this relationship by myself. I dont understand the purpose of wanting someone to stay in your life after you broke up with them. He says he cares about me and that he loves me, but Im at the point where I dont believe a word he says to me anymore. Your words and actions never match. I feel like if you love and care about someone that you wouldnt hurt them constantly by making stupid decisions, and putting others before me like Im nothing. He wants he cake and eat it too, he says thats not true but come on its obvious. Im tired of feeling this way all the time. I feel like he doesnt give a damn about me, even when he says he does I dont believe it. I just cant process in my head how can someone that I did so much for and put before myself would do me like this. Im so over these emotionally unavailable men who dont commit or stay consistent. Im still trying to heal from all of this. Why is he being so selfish about his needs and not mine? I just feel like a fool. I dont wish this feeling upon any woman. I want to be with a man who can commit to me, stay loyal and respect the feelings of others. I love him but I dont like the way he treats me.