The Pregnancy Posse
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Saved 1/26/10 to The Pregnancy Posse

What the Heck Is a Bonus Baby?


The heir and the spare. That saying always made me feel sorry for Prince Harry, now it makes me pity those who said it. In similar sentiment, strangers have referred to my newborn as a bonus baby. Since I already had a daughter and a son, they assume my lil guy is the extra kid that we didn't really need, but had anyways. It's not the case, but when it comes to having kids — it's impossible to keep the public happy. When you have a girl, they ask when you're trying for a boy and vice versa. If parents have two same sex children, they are expected to try for the opposite. When a mom has more than two she's suddenly a breeder, and the family's carbon footprint is discussed when baby number five arrives. No one can win — even women without children are hounded about why they aren't reproducing. So let's vent, what is your biggest qualm?

jransom94 jransom94 4 years 33 weeks
I think the term is cute, I have a 5 year old and a 1 yr old, we planned your first daughter. I found out I was pregnant with my youngest daugter when I was under the knife, and i HAD HER IN THE AMBULANCE does that make her a bonus baby. I guess so
Aphrosette Aphrosette 4 years 33 weeks
My husband and I recently found out we are expecting our 2nd which for us makes 2 kids in less then 16 months. We haven't told too many people yet, but for the most part the reaction has been, "I guess this is your happy accident" The term has been driving me crazy b/c like bonus baby I really don't want my child growing up with that term attached to them.
lawyerjenn lawyerjenn 4 years 33 weeks
My biggest problem is society places it's primary value on married women as potential breeders. Women are so much more than mothers but that's the only role anyone ever wants to discuss about women. This makes women who can't have kids inadequate; women who choose not to have kids clueless and women who have kids but work outside the home heartless. Then women who do "the right" thing and have children and stay home are then told they aren't meeting their potential. The bottom line is people are clueless and say inappropriate things 90% of the time. You simply have to ignore anything that rubs you the wrong way because strangers and friends and family with opinions will drive you mad.
4 years 33 weeks
Personally, I refer to my stepson as my "bonus baby". I didn't give birth to him and never anticipated him being in my life, so I think he's a wonderful bonus and blessing!
snowysakurasky snowysakurasky 4 years 33 weeks
the only thing people should comment is if they have the same as you, 'oh just have one son too and i love it' that kind of thing, or maybe if they want the same as you "thats what i want" anything that starts with 'do you want...' could be hard to hear as the person may be trying for another or a first child and even struggling.... dont ask people who dont have children (unless its your very close friend) if or when they want them. they will talk about it when they;re ready and excited. just think of it this way, the person you're talking to (or his wife) could have had a miscarriage- even recently, could be infertile, could have even lost a child in the past if you dont know them well. just don't go there. many ppl who dont want kids will happily blurt out 'we dont want kids' (without being asked) but if they arent happy to share, you dont need to ask. however if a woman is fawning over your baby for like five minutes its probably safe to ask her.
4 years 33 weeks
I think saying "Are you trying for a boy?" is much more negative than the term "bonus baby." I'm still trying to figure out how "bonus" has a negative connotation.
4 years 33 weeks
I have two amazing daughters. People are always asking my husband and I when we are going to try for the boy. It is so annoying! We are happy with two children. We are happy with two daughters. If we decided to have a third it would be because we want a third child; not for the sake of 'trying for a boy'. People are astonishing in their rudeness.
runningesq runningesq 4 years 33 weeks
it's impossible to keep the public happy maybe the public shuold STFU and MYOB ??
4 years 33 weeks
I also like the term, because to me, all our babies were bonuses! We're blessed to have the kids we have and to have been able to have them, so they're all a bonus to our lives. We do think of our 3rd a bit that way in the fact that we'd had 1 of each and the 3rd baby was our 2nd girl which felt like a huge bonus to us!
Zivanod Zivanod 4 years 33 weeks
I like the term "bonus baby." I think it's cute.
4 years 33 weeks
I think bonus baby is a cute term. I'd never use it when talking to someone else, but I think I'll take it on to describe my own kids. A bonus is a good thing. I would've loved to hear that my parents considered me a bonus. Now, I realize other people may not feel that way so I would absolutely never say to someone else "Oh you have a bonus baby!"
starbucks2 starbucks2 4 years 33 weeks
A bonus baby? How rude is that? My boyfriend has to older sister and his parents actually would have stopped reproducing would they have had one of each with the second child. I think it's so mean to let your kids know such things. It gives the second daughter the idea that she's not what they were hoping for, she wasn't good enough. I only have a girl and if we will have another baby I'll be hoping for a boy, but every child is welcome!