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Saved 1/12/13 to Group Therapy

What should I do/understand?


The first time I ever saw him we were at university, during a class we were both taking. He was sitting in front of me. I don't know why he did it, but he turned to me and we started talking. He was fascinated by my name and kept smiling the smile I still love so very much (more than one year later). Back then I was in a reationship, and didn't care too much about my mysterious colleague, although I was more than intrigued by his behaviour, manners and so on. But not in a sexual or I'd-date-him kind of way. We never really became friends but always had weird and full of tension encounters or short conversations. In the summer my long time boyfriend and I split. Me and this guy only met once (during summer) and it was just like I expected: tension, electricity, awkwardness, but in a more fuzzy and warm way. The next year we had even more classes together. HE actually started making small talk with me, inviting me to different events and so on. I must say from now, he is a baptist and I am an orthodox, and in my country, baptists are used to being friends only among themselves, and never date catholics or orthodox people. So even if I like this guy more than anyone I've ever liked, I felt and feel held back by this issue and by the fact that I don;t know if he even liked/likes me at all. One day I asked him "When are you going to invite me for a cup of hot cocoa?" (something like this). He said he didn't know any places worth to take me out, and that we shuold wait for the appropriate time. The next days he started to behave incredibly nice, and always looked at me and seized me, and kept coming over to me in order to talk. This lasted for 3 or 4 days, and then nothing. Absolutely no word, for weeks. Now we still talk sometimes, the tension is still there, I can see him sometimes sighing after looking at me and stuff, and I'm desperate. I like him more than words can say, and I don't know what to do whatsoever. I know for sure he doesn't have a girlfriend so...Please help me, I'm desperate!

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Bubbles12 Bubbles12 1 year 35 weeks
I meant "hormone-fraught exchanges that probably *have* been more about wrestling..." :)
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 1 year 35 weeks
Henna & Lily could be right. He's the only one who knows what's going on with him, but you could ask and that would solve the mystery. What occurred to me reading your post was that he might have a reason he isn't asking you out that is all about his position in life. He may have certain rules that he has to be out of school before he dates seriously, or have enough money to take you to nice places, or something like that. You wouldn't believe how many men are like that, and really to their credit. If I were you I'd ask him for the cocoa and get to know him more. At this stage you've had hormone-fraught exchanges that probably haven't been more wrestling with your attraction than getting to know each other. And that's what you need to do before you even know if he is someone you really are interested in. So share some of your hopes and dreams with him for your life after college and what kinds of things interest you now over cocoa and see how he responds. Show him who you are. And ask him if he doesn't ask you out why. Just take the chance it has zero to do with you if you need to for courage. Good luck, sounds fun really.
lAubergine lAubergine 1 year 35 weeks
Well I tried not to be too enthusiastic about it, but it's not like I repelled him. I actually talked to him and invited him just like you said and he said we should go on Tuesday, so pretty soon. He was very nice, we talked for hours, but this wasn't a face to face conversation, so I'm really curious about how all this will develop when we meet. I really hope he's not going to be indifferent again when we meet at classes or other places. Thank you very much for your support henna and iliy! I hope it's gonna work out fine.
henna-red henna-red 1 year 35 weeks
Ok, so you made an approach, and he responded by being really attentive to you for three of four days, and then he ran away. So my question is, what kind of response did you give him? He apparently didn't get the encouragement or response that he needed from you to continue or to escalate. You can't leave it all up to the guy to make something happen. you have to participate equally with him. I'm wondering if your anxiety about his denomination prevented you from really responding to him. I agree with lliy, you need to talk to him....to take an active step towards what you want....make him an invitation for that cup of cocoa, and see if accepts. Be active about what you want instead of passive, just waiting for him to make a move.
lAubergine lAubergine 1 year 35 weeks
I am the OP, I can see the post has a lot of views but I would really like more opinions. Please, please help me, I'd really appreciate it.
Iliy Iliy 1 year 35 weeks
Maybe he is shy or just not used to girls liking him. Maybe you didn't show him that you like him. Probably it would be best if you were open and honest about your feelings for him. If you like him that much and you're not really friends, you've got nothing to lose. Except perhaps a little more awkwardness in the years to come, in case he rejects you.