To break engagement or not?

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spiderlashes77

Saved 8/10/11 to Wedding Talk

To break engagement or not?

My fiancee and I got engaged last year, October of 2010, we never set a date for the wedding and I thought by now August 2011 a date would be set. And everytime I ask him about planning for the wedding he doesnt want to talk about it. I asked his mom and she says its because he wants to get his Journeymans license first which will take another year and a half. As of recently we have been having relationship problems which led me to think maybe he doesnt want to get married, or isnt ready. I got so frustrated I finally got him to talk about it and he said he wants to get married in 2 years! To me, 2 years seems way too long, since it will be a total of 3 years! Since he refuses to talk about the wedding and wants to wait so long, I'm starting to think it would be a better idea to break the engagement until he wants to talk about planning a wedding. Any helpful insight would be appreciated:)

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spiderlashes77 1 year 19 weeks

Thanks Rosepetal that's exactly what I needed to hear! I guess I just need to be a little more patient. After talking to him I realized he does want to be able to provide for me and wants to do that the best he can, and we are still together, so I guess he does love me:) Thanks everyone for the feedback!

rosepetal27 1 year 25 weeks

While having a 3 year engagement can seem like an eternity. Men just aren't as simple as we'd hope. They're a conundrum wrapped in an enigma wrapped in another conundrum. Most men stress about not being able to provide for their future wife, but future children and if he's not in a place where he thinks that he can do that then there's nothing you can do that will make him. I agree with senorita, maybe approach the idea by saying how great it would be to get married a couple of months after he's finished his journey-man's ticket (giving him a chance to relax from all the work he's been doing) and on the upside the longer the engagement the longer you have to plan for the most kick-a** wedding ever! Be patient and you'll get the wedding of your dreams! Wishing you all the best!

dahliadreamer 1 year 40 weeks

I have to agree with you, Spiderlashes; three years is MUCH too long for you to wait! He asked you to marry him, and you said yes. Why wait longer than you need to?! I find that with men, if they want something, they'll come get it. Laziness, busy schedules, other things getting in the way: all these things are excuses to put off having to face you. It's a simple concept, and I know from experience that women put too much thought into what men are thinking, when all it is, is bad excuses. I agree with talking to him about it. Be real with him, and let him know that you want to be married while you're still young. Waiting will only make you two older, and if you tell him what you told us here (that you might be thinking about breaking off the engagement if he wants to wait) it could go two ways: he'll think you're trying to slowly break up with him for good, or he'll just agree. The only thing is that if he's serious about marrying you, but also serious about waiting, he'll have to propose to you again. (I think this will definitely make him change his mind about slowing down wedding plans...!)

senorita 1 year 40 weeks

I agree with nohojo try talking with him more! If he wants to more financially stable with his license that is a very respectable goal. Personally there is nothing wrong with a long engagement, perhaps ask him if he could set a date after he has achieved that goal.

nohojo 1 year 40 weeks

Please be patient with him. I assume you said "Yes" because you love him and believed he was your mate. Take this time to work out your issues. Better to wait than to marry and the issues only magnify with no easy escape. I highly recommend working on your communication. If you wanted to be married sooner and he later, than work out a plan that is satisfactory for the both of you. Is the delay because he is afraid he will not be able to support you the way he wants? Or is the delay via the training an excuse for other issues? Or is he afraid or apprehensive about the cost and or plans for the wedding itself? Or has this delay brought out issues in the relationship that is causing him pause? Whatever the issue, make sure you are able to communicate in a way that does not make him feel attacked but in a way that is healthy and productive for the two of you. This will set a wonderful communication foundation for a marriage full of "issues" and disagreements later. Issues will come but it is how the 2 of you come together that will determine how and if you weather those storms.