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Saved 12/05/12 to Group Therapy

cant help being jealous


there was this guy who has been chasing me for a long period of time and I did not like him or feel interested in him despite the fact that he was an ok guy. then after years of trying he met my best friend through me and they hit it off. I cant help not be jealous! its so weird I never liked the guy why would I be jealous now? is it that i might have had feelings for him or what? I cant see them together it is breaking me. please advise

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Bubbles12 Bubbles12 1 year 40 weeks
OK, I have more sympathy for your plight. I have been there. Apparently we're both a couple of attention ho's. :) You're not interested in him but I'll bet you are interested in a relationship of your own. Since you've been close and maybe the center of attention with them both, you are now the outsider as they bond. That's a real loss and yes, jealousy is a normal reaction. You've got to manage your jealousy so it doesn't harm your friendships with them. That would be a very sad loss. Even if you don't feel it put on the happy face and support them. Do not become a problem and potentially lose them both for good. Be honest with both of them too: "Look, I am close to both of you so two people I think are amazing getting together is very cool, but it also is a little painful for me because you naturally have less time for me right now and I'm not being in a romance myself so I feel lonely to be honest. I'll get over it. I just wanted to know if I seem a bit distant myself it's not because of anything you've said or done." And here's the real puzzle: what's going on that you're basking in the light of someone you don't like back instead of finding your own romance? Is there an issue hiding from intimacy yourself or are you just being a bit lazy? Who are you chasing, who are you attracted to, what are you doing to meet interesting guys? You need to find someone who melts your butter, so pour your new found time and energy spent with them into that. It's more fun, and it gives you an excuse to ask your newly coupled friends to join hiking clubs (or whatever) and go out dancing such with you.
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 1 year 41 weeks
You have to realize that you only liked him for the ego boost he gave you. You know you didn't like him as a person or even as a romantic interest. Now that he's lost interest in you, and has found interest in your best friend, he has stopped chasing you so the ego boost has ended. You miss that, and are jealous because now your best friend is, in your eyes, getting that ego boost instead of you. What you need to realize is that the relationship between your best friend and this guy doesn't just involve an ego boost- she has genuine feelings for him that supercede the superficial and selfish ones you had about him. Move on from your irrational feelings and get over it. Don't do the stupid thing and try to win this guy over. You'll end up in a relationship you don't want, will be bored with, and will quickly leave. You'll break this guy's heart. And you'll destroy your friendship with your best friend.
henna-red henna-red 1 year 41 weeks
Donna has hit. Your ego was validated by this guy's attraction to you for all of that time, even though you didn't return his attraction. There isn't much that feels better than being wanted. And now he wants someone else, and you've lost that outside source of validation. I agree with Donna. Be happy for these two people that they have found each other. It's ok to miss the attention....we all enjoy attention, but there will be a guy, sometime, who gives you that attention, that you will want to return, hopefully. Look forward to that moment, and don't dwell on the loss of someone you weren't interested in. Time to focus on yourself, I think. Time to do some things to make yourself feel better, and to bulwark your sense of self esteem.
Donna-Freundt Donna-Freundt 1 year 41 weeks
I don't mean to sound nasty, but you do realise your own feelings of jealousy are ridiculous ones?. It isn't that you might of had feelings for him, it is that you liked the attention of him wanting to be with you and chasing you. It isn't really much of a surprise that now he is happy and is in a relationship with your best friend that you are jealous because you lose the attention. We always want what we can't have might be saying that fits here. They are happy together and if you were a good friend you would try to be happy for them and let them be, remember you had years of him chasing you which would of caused him misery. Let him be happy now. :-) I am sure you will get over it.