confused and frustrated not being true to my heart
ever since i can remember ive felt like i belonged with another women.. growing up i was taught that being gay was wrong and that we wouldnt have gays if more people beat their kids if they said they were gay. so i started dating guys i have only been with two men resulting in two amazingly sweet boys ages 2 and ten months old. however ive felt like something has been missing from my life and over the last few months even more so. ive started to question if i belong in my relationship where i dont feel ANY connections especially sexually. i literally never ever want to i only do it when i see he is unhappy and even then i distance myself. (TMI) during sex i slip away and think of things that turn me on cause if i dont i dry up and he knows something is wrong.. i feel im slipping away cause im not being true to my heart or to him. i am almost always frustrated and sad these days. i dont know whats brought this out but i think it has to do with recent conversation betwern him and regarding our sons. he thinks one might be gay and told me if he is we will beat him so he isn't anymore . this kills me and i always reply by looking at my sons and saying mommy LOVES you NO matter what.. i have no real supports and dont know where i should go or what. i should do.