confused and frustrated not being true to my heart


ever since i can remember ive felt like i belonged with another women.. growing up i was taught that being gay was wrong and that we wouldnt have gays if more people beat their kids if they said they were gay. so i started dating guys i have only been with two men resulting in two amazingly sweet boys ages 2 and ten months old. however ive felt like something has been missing from my life and over the last few months even more so. ive started to question if i belong in my relationship where i dont feel ANY connections especially sexually. i literally never ever want to i only do it when i see he is unhappy and even then i distance myself. (TMI) during sex i slip away and think of things that turn me on cause if i dont i dry up and he knows something is wrong.. i feel im slipping away cause im not being true to my heart or to him. i am almost always frustrated and sad these days. i dont know whats brought this out but i think it has to do with recent conversation betwern him and regarding our sons. he thinks one might be gay and told me if he is we will beat him so he isn't anymore . this kills me and i always reply by looking at my sons  and saying mommy LOVES  you NO matter what.. i have no real supports and dont know where i should go or what.  i should do.

Sheikb24 Sheikb24 1 year 35 weeks
That does not seem to be a healthy relationship. I feel that if you know in your heart that a situation is unhealthy for you kids and yourself then it is you duty to do something about if not for yourself then find the strength for your son. Potentially if your son remains effeminate he will suffer greatly at the hands of his father and so will you watching your child suffer knowing that you are the one who can help them out of the situation but doing nothing will only make you feel worse. This is separate from you liking women because your child is top priority, but even if your husband wasn't opposed to gay people your situation will only begin to overwhelm you more and more until eventually you will not be even able to make yourself accept his touch. I have dated a lot of men trying to make myself forget about my attraction to women and it only made me feel worse about myself and eventually I felt physically ill having a man touch me but even then it took me time and counseling to accept that this is me and I don't want a man I want to have a meaningful relationship with a woman and that is the first step accepting yourself.
jcr1992 jcr1992 1 year 35 weeks
I'm in the same situation. I am married to a wonderful guy. But have always felt that I belong with aother woman more than anything.