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Saved 1/05/13 to Group Therapy

how can you tell when a man means what he says?


ive been with someone for about 6 months now and things have been going well. hes affectionate, caring and respectful. the thing is, i get nervous when he starts talking about the future. our future. he talks of how hes never felt this way before and marriage and so on. which all sounds great, but ive been with men in the past who have said the exact same lines, only to find out that those lines were empty and meaningless. so im definitely jaded.should i take what my current bf says with a grain of salt? how do i know when someone actually means what they say?

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Bubbles12 Bubbles12 1 year 36 weeks
Trustworthiness is so important. Good for you for questioning his talk! Smart woman. One way to know if they're people of their word is to talk with others who have known them a long time (perhaps more than three years). Listen carefully to what people hint at too, its risky for them to be open. And if someone tells you something do not throw it in the guys face and tell him who said it, if they're trying to help you that's a huge betrayal. If they don't have people in their lives who have known them for years (unless they just moved to a new town) that's a red flag. If they move a lot, that's a red flag. Do not marry anyone that you haven't had a chance to know their long-term friends and family and see how they interact with people they've known a long time. It's amazing what people are dying to tell you but don't dare because it's none of their business. Very few people will ever say anything unasked. But many will spill the beans if you give them a chance. If you take time to know them and do things with them alone or just wonder out loud in a private conversation if he'd be a good bet long-term romantically, financially, and good with kids -- but you really don't know him that well to know -- I'm going to guess someone will jump in and fill you in. For either good or bad. It only takes talking with a handful of people to hear a pattern emerge. Good luck!
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 1 year 36 weeks
You can figure it out pretty quickly if he ever does what he says. I'm not talking about marriage or whatever, but rather all other things. Does he keep his promises to you? Is he a man of his word? Is he trustworthy? If the answers are no, then there you have it.
henna-red henna-red 1 year 36 weeks
You can tell that they mean what they say because they act on what they say. Quite frankly, I'd say that six months is not enough time to be talking about marriage, future, etc.....It sounds to me as though this guy is one of those who jump into things quickly, and will jump out again just as quickly. You haven't given much in the way of details, but a happy, healthy relationship takes time to develop, and both partners should be on the same page when you start talking about marriage. You are not in that place, not on the same page, and very unsure about what he's saying, as well you should be. If marriage were a real possibility at this point, it would be because you you both were sure. And you're not. So honor your feelings, trust your insecurity around whether or not he is sincere....it's not only coming from past relationships, but also from his actions in this relationship. I'd also like to suggest that you take a good look at the kind of man you are drawn to....it sounds like you have a pattern of falling for a guy who very seductively mentions all kinds of serious possibilities, but is never serious about it. If you keep making the same kinds of choices around the type of person you date....then it's time for you to look at yourself and try to understand why that is. good luck