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Saved 11/20/12 to Group Therapy

how do you actually walk away?


I'm in a relationship that has run its course. I'm sure of it - we've been distant, not communicating, and I'm happier when I'm out of the apartment, with other friends. However, I really, truly care about my boyfriend. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but I won't be able to keep him in my life. I can't be friends with people I've dated, it's just too hard and I'm too emotional about it. I've had relationships that ended before, but i'm really struggling with this one. I feel like I'm breaking my own heart, but neither of us are putting in the effort here, so things are just falling apart. How can I muster the courage to break it off?

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kirstengineer kirstengineer 1 year 42 weeks
I'm in the same place in a relationship, in terms of it feeling like its run it's course and in terms of the fact that I really care about the person.  However, there is no method or preparation as to when to walk away or how to do it etc. I believe.  The honest thing is, you've said it yourself, the relationship has run its course and you're sure of it.  You know it has to end, you're not happy and you also know you can not be friends.  So stick firm to your beliefs and feelings and make sure you do not remain friends.  It's hard, but you can do it.  Also, I think  anything negative like having to end a relationship where you really cared about someone will always hurt, it's inevitable, but the one thing that is very true, is that time heals all.  It will get easier to emotionally deal with over time, but for sure, at the point of the breakup, it will hurt and all sorts of doubts and emotions will go through your mind.  Stick firm to what you've decided without looking back.  It is all for the better in both of your lives.  Remember that everything happens for a reason and the person you are meant to be with will in fact turn up in your life when the timing is right, but the most important thing is to be healthy and happy and pursue those two things.  I think the best way is to just wake up one day in the very near future and decide, ok this is it.  Have a conversation and decide then and there to just end it.  It will most definitely feel overwhelming, scary, disconcerting, sad, you will question yourself, but just do it, get it done with and focus on your future, getting to a happy and confident place in your life, focus on the little things and doing things you enjoy.  Also focus on those less fortunate and helping people - one of the best ways to feel better about yourself or a situation.  And slowly but surely with time, the wound will heal.  I will be doing the same thing, so take comfort in knowing that someone else the other side of the world will be going through the exact same thing as you :)
henna-red henna-red 1 year 42 weeks
Have you considered actually sitting down, talking about what's wrong, and putting the work in to fix it? You have the choice the change behaviors. And you say you really care about this man. It's not at all unusual for partners to get busy, and distracted, and neglectful. That doesn't have to mean a relationship has run it's course, unless that's what you choose. Some folks are addicted to the cycle of love.....the romantic fireworks, which settle down into learning each other, and then, often into taking each other for granted. Then, instead of spending the time and making the effort to revitalize what they've already built and invested in, they jettison the relationship and look for that next high that comes with falling in love, and starting the cycle all over. I think it's sad that so many are willing to throw away so much investment in another person, without working and fighting.....that disposable mindset that goes with fast food, and plastic razors, and pampers and water bottles that are clogging our environment. We seem to have forgotten that there are other options...... There are certainly relationships that need to end....abuseive, uncaring, unloving......but you're talking about really caring for this man.....and it it's just excitement or basic interaction that's missing....well, that's completely fixable, completely reversible. Sit down and tell him how you're feeling. You owe him that. And if you ever want to have any long term, successeful relationship, this is a skill you're going to have cultivate and learn. Relationships don't just roll along with an unstoppable momentum....they're work, hard work. And it's the kind of work that yields benefits that no other work yields.....sharing your life with someone is a gift, and a job, and a curse, and a choice. It requires skills, compromise, flexibility, adaptability, compassion, and a lot of determination to succeed. Leaving is the easy part. It's staying and working it out that's hard. But who said what's worth having, in life, is easy? :)
Sherrilee Sherrilee 1 year 42 weeks
Your heart is breaking but you want to break it off. do you really want to break it off or just unhappy about how things are going in your relationship? Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? Would you like a clean break or just would like him to change in some ways or some things in the relationship? If so talk it over with him.